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Today's had a lot of ups and downs, like a lot of them. I was really happy when I woke up for some reason though yet again I had really weird dreams. Then I got online and checked my emails, replied to some and then posted a blog with some of my thoughts that I've been having lately. Then I took a quick shower and went to work feeling a bit happy, then while on the way to work there was a huge cloud of smoke rising into the air. Me being the small town boy that I am thought someone had purchased a burn permit and was having a fire in their back yard. Then the smoke hit me and I could tell something toxic was burning, it made my lungs feel tight and I couldn't stop coughing for a few moments. I rounded the corner and I saw a house on fire, with people standing around taking pictures and crap like that. I started to phone the police when a person told me that they were on their way. Two people were still inside but we got them out then he kicked in the front door to see if anyone else was inside, upstairs then we broke in the basement window, and the two people went back in for a moment I thought it was to get a pet or something but they came out with a laptop and we moved them across the street. The other guy went to one side of the house and I went to the other and saw that the roof was smoldering, the guy went to get anyone in that house outside incase the fire spread, and I saw the man who lived in the basement run back towards the kicked in window. I went to go get him and he was already inside and I got him back outside, with a blanket and the jacket he had gone to get, then took him back to a safe distance and kept an eye on him until the fire truck came. That's when the guy shook my hand and I left to go to work.

Work was good, there was a lot of joking around and everyone was overtired, I'm sure the fact that I'm going to be up until like 4 am and wake up at 7 am won't help me for tomorrow but I can't really sleep right now even though I'm dead tired. I got more money than I thought I would on my check so that worked out nicely not sure what I'm going to do with it though, quite a few options right now for it. Still all in all I was feeling good, I had the money for the Canucks, and I had extra money too. I was glad that I was finally starting to get over being alone and pining for Roni and that my life could finally move on since it's been stuck in limbo for a while. A lot of people helped me get over things, some more than others and I'm thankful to you all, you know who you are. I will always love Roni and I hope to always be friends with her, but I feel like I want to be in love again and that's something different entirely.

Then once again life kicked me down and spit on me. A friend of mine that I hadn't spoken to in years, but still thought of as a good friend, he killed himself. That really shocked me and knocked all the happiness out of me that I had found. I know I'll miss him a lot now that I'll never be able to see him again and that hurts. I had felt so down and like life didn't want me to ever be happy again but then some people managed to make me feel a bit better, and even made me smile and laugh. After that the pain didn't seem to bad anymore. I know that I'll miss him, but like all the others that I know that have died he wouldn't want me to wallow in self pity or to let life get me down. I'm very thankful to those who helped me feel better, usually when I get down it takes days to pull myself out of it. Well yeah I think I might end my blog here and maybe try to go to sleep so I won't get lectured too much about getting too little sleep for an ojisan (old man). Have a good night and take care, anyone who wants to get ahold of me you know my number and I'm free whenever I'm not at work.
-Jamie