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Alrighty well I think I'm just going to put down some random thoughts I've been having lately, so it might be very incoherient and confusing just like my thought process is razz but if you want, feel free to follow along and read.

What is love really? is it wanting someone to be happy no matter the cost? is it being willing to give anything for another person? well if it is, then when people ask me if I still love Roni, then the answer would be yes I do still love her, because I only want her to have the best in life and to be happy. Still at this point in my life I don't feel that happiness should be with me anymore and I want to see if I can find someone else to be happy with. Also I guess you could say that I love most of my friends and definitely my family then, because for most of them I'd bleed my last drop or spend my last dime to make sure they were happy and safe. There is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with them even though there are many similarities. Being in love you always want that person by your side, and you want to be with them for the rest of your life. You love and cherish everything about them, and you could never see yourself with anyone else. It's something that borders on obsession, but with the key difference, that if you are not loved back in the same way no matter how much it hurts you, you will let them go because you are in love, and the most important thing is their happiness. The pain lingers, but it eventually fades with times, trust me I know that for a fact, it fades but never vanishes until you find someone to heal that pain.

I've had a lot of time to do thinking lately, that's my thoughts on love, I have quite a few more thoughts to write down but my tired brain isn't functioning so I'll write them as I remember razz

Well as those of you who have me on MSN can see, I've been wrapped up on memories a lot lately. Before that would have made me very depressed, the fact that I've known way more people that have died than years I've been alive, the fact that I've lost many of my close friends, and my grandfather died when I was so young and I never said goodbye. So many things that would have made me very sad before, but now I am not so sad about them, because instead I think that I've had the honor of knowing those people and influencing their lives just as they influenced mine. Yes it is a tradegy that they all died, especially the ones that died so young, like Aiden who had a general joy for life, he was like a brother to me, like Rob who had a lot of hopes and dreams that he talked to me about, like Rory who was just changing his life and getting it back on track, like so many others who have died. Now I focus on the good memories I had with those people, the fun times and the friendships and relationships that were forged that not even death could break at least not for me. I know my grandfather knew that I loved him, that he was more important to me than anyone else, and even though I never said goodbye I know he's watching over me still, and I want to make him proud of me from now on. I know that as long as I remember those who are gone, and the good memories I have of them, they'll never really be gone since a piece of them is always there in my heart. I know it's sappy but it's something that helps with the pain of loss, anyone who's lost a lot will find solace in that thought.

Faith, that's another thing that I was thinking about before. There is a huge diffence between religion and faith, religion seems to cause nothing but problems, so much prejeduce and hatred is spawned from religion, due to people having to adhere to their rules. Faith is something different entirely, my father has a lot of faith in god and though it doesn't give him enough strength to fight off the really bad things, it does help him and it makes him stronger. I myself do not have faith in a higher power, I believe one exists yes but I do not believe they care that much about us. My faith is in what's within a person, in the human heart and soul. The potential for great things is within each of us we just have to realize that potential, that and each person can be kind to others, it all comes down to choices. Good and evil, vary from person to person same with their views of it, all anyone does is the best they think they can.

Well I'm not sure what else I feel like rambling on about at the moment, there was a lot more but yeah I'm getting lazy, have a good one anyone who has soldiered on through this blog entry. Remember to try and genuinely try and enjoy life, those who can do so are truly blessed and they raise the happiness of those around them, it is a great and amazing trait to have. If you still have your innocence and your views of the world are not bitter, then I hope that stays with you always, take care and you will always have a friend in me.
-Jamie