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Quote of the Day: The hardest love to learn is that which is dark, the kind that causes the most pain.
It is up to the soul to look past that dirty love, and regain the beauty that illuminated so bright before... pure love.

Good people sometimes do bad things. Sometimes we do follow our baser instincts instead of our hearts. Sometimes we trust people we shouldn't because they tell us all the things we need to hear and believe in us when no one else seems to. Sometimes the fear of death or loneliness tends to overshadow the fact that at this moment, there is life worth living and people worth living for. And sometimes we make destructive choices for what we believe are good reasons. At one time or another, we have all suffered.

Our choices are made by our own perceptions, no one but the individual can tell if it is the right or the wrong thing to do, and yet others will still judge them upon those choices. We are always trying to right wrongs, either real or imagined that are done to us, and yet in the end nothing really changes, for each 'wrong' we fix, there are many more that make themselves apparent. The only thing we can really do is go on living the best we can, and accept responsibility for our choices, and take the consequences of what we have done upon our shoulders. What we have done in the past cannot be changed so there is no point in dwelling on it, the only thing we can do is seek forgiveness for the wrongs we have done, and move on. If we are caught up in our past it will consume us and bury us alive, and the present and even the future will pass us by. If we try to root out the faults in ourselves and in society and try to always get rid of them we would never cease, and our lives would be consumed by it.

Well that's my thought for the day, now I'm going to post a little rant upon how morality has seemed to plummeted in this day and age.
-Jamie

Yesterday, I have seen even more evidence that in our day and age our morals have fallen and we have all become more base creatures, that follow instinct rather than our moral compass. While I was walking to the bank to put my check in and my friend was waiting with his girlfriend, some girls I guess they thought I had my music louder on my discman rolled down their windows and started catcalling me. I guess on some level this is flattering yes, but I still find it sad that so much is based upon raw physicality, I mean they knew nothing about me other than they liked the way I looked and here they were trying to get my attention and talking about wanting to have sex with me and telling me how hot I was. I guess that the vast majority of relationships do start with a physical attraction that leads people to start communicating with each other, but giving so much into lust as to want to sleep with a total stranger, I just find it strange. I think it would be much better to actually get to know the person first, to judge them on their personality, and their actions, rather than just being aroused by them and wanting to have intimacy with them. Heh, I guess that's why I've only ever been with one female in my entire life, though I guess it could also be that I am afraid of being hurt and I only hide it behind a false moral superiority. I do know that I have felt lust for females before, but I have never acted upon it, honestly I don't know if it's out of fear of rejection/being hurt, or for the fact that I find it wrong to give in to such a base instinct.

Still that is only one thing from yesterday, the other thing was that right after that I saw a man in a wheel chair, he could barely move himself and people were just walking right by him. I went and offered him my assistance and found that his own brother had left him there and went home. I honestly felt disgusted at how a person could do that to family, to me family is very important, even those who I do not really like, like my cousin's I would give my last drop of blood if it would help them. Not like my parents are 'helping' my cousin Wade, what they are doing there is basically taking away all his responsibilities, allowing him to live for free, and not have to get a job or rely upon himself. That is sending him down a very self destructive path, since he has already started back into drugs again, and I don't think he is going to do anything with his life now. Still that's taking off on another tangent. I decided to help this stranger, even though where I was pushing him to was far away from where I was heading, his left hand was badly burnt so he could never had done it on his own. On the way we ran into his cousin, another flesh and blood relation to him, and his cousin also refused to push him home because it was two blocks away from where he was going. I found this wrong as well, because as I said, family is supposed to be very important to a person a lot more important than mere inconvience. When I got the man home, his brother was passing out on the couch and he said he had left him, because he was starting to get mad at him, I found that a very childish reason to do that to someone, whether they are family or not, if a person needs help that badly even if they are getting grumpy with you, you don't just abandon him. The man called me a good person, and a very kind man. Those words sounded very odd to me, I just did what I was raised to do, and what I would have thought anyone would do. Sometimes in life we all need help, is what I told him and it is what I believe. We all need assistance at some point in time, and oneday if I need it I hope that someone will be there to aid me, if not then I guess I could manage on my own, but I know that a load can be much lighter if it is shared with others. I hope those two brothers reach some form of reconcilliation, because rents in family, they just don't seem right, family is the most important thing in the world, and sometimes all they need is a little kindness and a helping hand.

I don't know, maybe my dad was right when he noticed I had changed from who I once was, maybe he was right that I have become too kind and trusting of this world. That I expected and saw too much good in other people and that oneday it will get me hurt. He was right about the me getting hurt part, I had my heart shattered, but it has healed and I believe I am stronger for it myself. I also prefer myself this way to how I used to be, I would rather help people than hurt them. I don't like being an animal acting on base instincts and reacting to things with violence, or overindulging in drinking in drugs. I am just glad that I was always too shy around girls to sleep around, I believe that sex is something that should only be experienced with someone you love, but then again who knows that view might change in time, or oneday I might just end up giving into lust, though I know if I do that I will be dissapointed in myself. Still whether it brings me pain or not I would rather be the person I am today, than the person I used to be, my dad also told me that I seem to try and take all the suffering of the world on my shoulders and that's too much to bear. We all suffer in life, and we all need help when we are suffering, right now I feel like I should help people through that pain, so far I don't find that weight to be too much to bear, though I doubt I would admit it even if it drove me into the ground. I have always been a proud person and too stubborn to admit when I'm hurting or I have taken on too much to handle. Still life goes on, and only time will tell if the person I am is better or stronger than the person I used to be, and whether the choice I made was the right one. Either way I will accept responsibilty for the consequences of my choices in life, I'm tired of running away or blaming things on others, it is my life and the mistakes I've made are mine and mine alone, I've always had a choice and I hope I don't make the wrong decision anymore.

Wow that was really long, I once again apologize to anyone that has wasted their time reading my ramblings.
-Jamie