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wow tonight was a rough night, and I knew it was going to be even before basketball started. First off I ate taco's for supper, something I was not supposed to do but they're so good especially homemade. Then at basketball almost right away I cut the lane hard got the pass and had a wide open lay up then my friend Jessie reached back to try and stop me and he's a big boy, his hand engulfed my head and his pinky finger dug right into my left eye which hurt like a b*tch and made me blind for a bit, but what hurt worse was that I was going full speed and went down hard, it jarred my whole body and with the internal bleeding and all I felt like I was going to start coughing up blood again. It was one of those nights where I was constantly telling myself "get up, you've had worse than this before, get up, don't be a p***y." After that happened I got up really fast from it actually, must have been the adrenaline I just knew my teeth were clenched from the pain, but Jessie looked so guilty that I laughed it off and told him it was fine, I couldn't open my eye for a while and my vision was blurred, but there was no point in guilting him over it, what's done is done right? Then after that my cousin who didn't know that my stomach was messed up, when I was guarding him he threw an elbow to push off me and do a jump shot and it caught me right in the side, it shot stars through my vision and I felt like dropping to my knees from the pain, but I had to keep on going, couldn't stop because my team needed me.

In the second quarter my other cousin's boyfriend he got me twice more in the gut and I just felt so weak after that, I couldn't jump, got rejected twice, could barely run, and I just felt out of it, like I was dead on the floor and couldn't keep up with anything. I was so glad for the prolongued break afterwards. I just laid down sucking in air trying to center myself and keep the pain at bay, since i had forgotten my water. i managed to block most of it out and came out roaring after that, played like I normally do for a bit, then I got tripped while running and my elbow drove hard into my gut, felt like I was gonna vomit right then and there and stayed down on my hands and knees for a bit since the ball went out of bounds before I got up and kept on playing. It was a really rough night first night I didn't get a triple double, I only got 13 steals, 10 points, 3 assists, 5 rebounds, and no blocks a very low stat game and we lost pretty bad. After my adrenaline went away I was in agony for a bit, still hurts like a b*tch right now but it's nothing I can't cope with, was supposed to head downtown with a friend, but I don't think I'm up for that now it's late and since the Canucks won their series people are going to be out and rowdy tonight, I don't want to get in a fight in my condition. Anyways that was my night, now I shall explain my personality to those who read this and are going to lecture me.

I have to be strong enough to deal with things, I have to be strong enough to help others through their pain, if I can't handle my own pain then how can I do that? If I'm not strong enough, then what am I? if I'm not strong enough, then i am nothing, if I am nothing then what good am I? do you see? I have to be stronger than this, I have to be the one to help others get through pain, if I can't deal with my own and shove it aside how can I do that? I don't have to be stone or steel, it's just hard to explain. If I let my guard down now after so long, if I don't strive to be strong then odds are I'll collapse as the reality almost everyone I've grown close to has died, or else become a worse person than when I met them, that's a hard fact of my life. I have to be strong otherwise the thought that I've lost more than twice my age in people well more than twice it might just crush me. It's not something that's easy to explain do you kind of see where i'm coming from though? i just don't want you to worry, I'll be fine trust me please. I won't be going anywhere on you, I'll still be here because I'm just to stubborn to let anything put me down for good. Death is something I've come close to a lot in my life, I'm too stubborn to die, so those of you who worry about me please don't, I know my limits, and I know myself better than anyone else and I promise I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm like a cockroach it takes a lot to kill me, a lot more than a little bit of blood.
-Jay