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I'm so worn out lately, currently life has been so stressful for me that I have an ulcer. Which really sucks big time, and it's not like it's anything major stressing me out either, just a cumulation of little things, just seems like right now there is not an aspect of my life that I can call un-stressful.

First off I am happy being single right now life seems to be going on track for once, but now I'm getting a lot of female attention. I'm not saying they're bad girls or the attention is bad. For the most part they are great and amazing females, just I might be moving soon, I just got out of a very serious relationship a few months ago, and I just don't feel ready for a relationship right now. I aslo might be moving soon and I don't want to start up a relationship knowing it's going to end. I tend to make my relationships long term things and what would be the point if it was going to end quickly? I want to find out more about me before I get another person involved in my life you know, it's just something that's hard to explain and it causes me major stress because I hate hurting other people's feelings.

My job has been stressing me out a lot too. I know the owner is using me, and is taking advantage of the fact that he knew my grandfather. I mean hell I should be getting paid more than minimum wage, and I am certified in things that could be me paid a minimum of $24 an hour, yet still I stay there, and have turned down other jobs. Why? Why do I stay there/ because of misplaced loyalty to one who knew my grandfather? Or is it because I've grown close to most of the people that work there and I'd hate to let them down or dissapoint them by leaving? Probably both really, and this wondering if I should stay and put up with being blamed for everything that goes wrong, or quit and find a new job that will pay me what I am certified to do, even though I love cooking is just getting to me.

I can't even play sports which I love now without getting angry and stressed because a cocky d**k named Abraham plays with us now and is my cousin's friend. Tonight I wanted to break his jaw but I have a promise I have to keep that I won't be violent anymore. He stomped on my foot twice hard enough to make my toe purple and make it so it hurts for me to walk right now. Also he hip checked, literally hockey hip checked one of my players and didn't call a foul on himself since it was drop in ball. He also called a foul on me when he f'ing stomped on my foot, and I wanted to just wipe that cocky smile off his face so badly. Some people just need to be put in their place, but I can't do it. No matter how much I want to I can't hurt him unless he swings at me first because of my promise and that stresses me out too. A person like him who calls a foul when he's even grazed on the arm, and then doesn't call anything on himself and argues if someone calls it deserves to have the crap beat out of him, at least I think so.

Just everything seems to be wearing me down lately, I feel like I'm reaching the point of a mental breakdown, and I have no release valve to vent the pressure building up inside me. It's a terrible feeling to have and I don't know how to get rid of it. Anyways I was planning on sleeping a while ago, I'm really worn out both physically and mentally, feel like I'm either going to cry or snap and start breaking things, neither of which I want to do. Anyone who reads this you take care of yourself and don't worry about me, I'm just semi venting in my blog. Everything will be fine in a few days, I'm a big boy and don't hold onto grudges or things that get me down for that long. Just an accumulation of little things, which I am working on getting rid of. I think sometimes I just need to not over think things so much, my brain can be my worst enemy at times, but still yeah it's bed time for me maybe things will look a lot better tomorrow. I might go see that new movie Knocked Up, that should make me chuckle and improve my mood~
-Jay