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Have you ever had that feeling that you can be happy again, that there is something better out there? Well, I keep thinking that I have, but on the otherside, I still have to go through the pain of the past...

I keep trying to be happy and actually am sometimes and others see it in my eyes and the way I act. But with that happiness is a slap across the face for being too happy... And sometimes I just wish that I could just be happy again.. like I once was, but apparently that will never happen. My past is here to haunt me and I don't think it will ever leave me alone as much as I wish it would...

Everyone says that there is always a happy ending and if you don't have it yet then it isn't the end, but what if there is no end? What if the story continues on without ever really finding the true ending that all the fairy tales make you believe there is?
I don't believe in fairy tales anymore... there is no such thing as a happy ending.There is no such thing as falling in love and always being happy with no faults at all... Happy endings are for those who can't live in reality and see what actually happens...

Those people I want to say I feel sorry for, but I can't because I am jealous...
I want to live in a fantasy so beautiful that I don't see the destruction of reality. I want to be able to find that person that makes me stronger and helps me grow as a person and feels safe... I want... a knight in shining armor... my angel....