Today's theme is sadness.
This is not the ******** sad that I'm talking about. No, my dear friend. What I am talking about is the kind of inexplicable sadness that creeps up on the unsuspecting for no reason at all.
For example:
My dear Uncle Eddy is visiting for a week and arrived at our house today. At least twice today he has asked me something and I almost broke down and just cried. There was no reason for me to behave as such; I just had an almost overwhelming urge to ball like a hungry baby. It took everything I had to hold the tears back, and even then he knew something was wrong. He hugged me and told me that everything was "ok." Obviously, everything is not "ok" if my body tells me to cry and I tell my body that I don't need to cry.
There is no reason for this. Nothing worthy of a cry-fest has happened. Life is good, but there are small things I would like to fix... then again, who doesn't want to fix something in their life? So now I ask: am I just trying to convice myself that I am not sad? And if I am, why?
Ok, so maybe I'm confused... but that state has grown to be the norm over the last year of my life. I went into college being a physics major... that changed within 6 weeks of college. Then I didn't know what to do. Then all the problems with my last relationship started popping up. Confusion and chaos are normal for me.
Maybe now because there is no chaos/confusion I feel something is missing?
I feel ever so bi-polar.
 vafalla · Wed Jul 04, 2007 @ 04:04am · 0 Comments |
