Ya know, reading Jeane's journal entry yesterday got me thinking. About life in general. About how it sucks, but I don't wanna die. It kind of scares me because I think about the times when I've been suicidal and my friends have pulled me back from it. I think I've always taken my friends for granted. But reading Jeane's journal kind of made me realize what great friends I really have. They all are there for me most of the time, and yeah, they rag on me, but they don't usually mean anything by it.
I worry about school. I worry about my grades. Most of all, I worry about my future. Am I even gonna have a future? At the rate I'm going, I seriously doubt it. My mom said one time that if I don't get my s**t together, I'm going to be flipping burgers for the rest of my life. That hurt. It especially hurt since she said it straight to my face. I don't wanna flip burgers. I want to do something worthwhile. I want to be a singer or a NASCAR driver. I want to go to college to get an engineering degree. But if I keep going the way I am, colleges aren't even going to look at me, let alone accept me.
I say that I have some great friends, but if I really think about it, the only ones that I can be myself around are Jeane and Emmy. They both accept and love me for who I am. I don't have to put on my mask around them like I do for everyone else. I can be just plain old bisexual Skye, who has her insecurities and her immaturities, just like everyone else. With everyone else, I have to hide those. And I hate it. That's why I say I hate humanity most of the time. I hate having to be someone I'm not around everyone. Everyone except Jeane and Emmy. And now, I can't even talk to Em because of my damn grounding, because of being bisexual.
I really hate the fake me, but I can't seem to get rid of her for good. She's so much a part of me that it's hard to make her go away. I can make her go away around Jeane and Emmy, but they're the only two she'll go away for. ...I really hate her. I wish she'd just go away...
*~Skye~*
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The Insane Asylum
My little journal about my random life. Enter if you dare.
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Yes, Lakeland is a community college, and likely has lower standards than the higher ups. But, really, do you need a more sophisticated college, unless you're going for something that requires a big name school on a diploma? Education is education, and you can get it wherever.
I don't think you're going nowhere. You have a bright future, young lady smile
The grounding is beyond sucky. And life does suck at times. Especially when you're a teen.
But you do have some good friends. And I'm assuming that the Fake Skye only comes out in real life. As I don't think I've met her online razz Can't tell if that was her in person, but I don't recall seeing her online wink
Yes, you do have to work hard for your future. I'm not saying that you should just sit back and do nothing. I paid a price for doing that. I'm not saying that you get any kind of reward for doing that. Just saying that there are colleges that will take you even with lower grades and stuff. I'm missing a lot because I gave up. But you shouldn't. You have a great oportunity and a great life ahead, and you should do all you can to reach that.
*hugs* ^_^