|
|
|
I wanted to tell the one I care for most, something that has been bothering me, I tried to do it with a different subject since it needed to be brought up anyways, and when i tried with what i felt i needed to tell some one i horribly messed it up for he said it made some sence but really he might not of gotten why i was saying it. I felt stupid and a bit upset and a then a bit more upset because he could not see that something was wrong. It's not his fault I know that I just am over whelmed with emotion that I am now starting to cry over the fact he didn't see I was upset, and I am to shy and afraid to just blurt out somethings wrong. and If he reads this he might feel that he has done something wrong. I guess I try to show i'm sad and need to talk by doing something different, I didn't tonight for there was no time to discuss it -sighs- But I will say it now. It'll make me feel better.
Today wasn't a good day for my mom. She was droven to tears, she had a fight with my grandmother again. Our family isn't what it use to be five years ago. Before it was more happy, less fighting, and not so broken. Least thats how I remember it. But soon my mom married and then my grandfather died. My parents started to fight alot, my mom had a nervouse breakdown, I had to deal with things on my own that I would go to my mom about, for she needed some one to talk to, not more problems no matter how little or big they were, I didn't mind I wanted to help my mom get better so she wasn't like that anymore. finally my mom and dad seperated.
Well now my mom and I have given up our lives to help take care of my grandmother, I can't help but have to for I am with my mother. I don't mind I am glad to help (even if I'm lazy alot of the time). We don't get many days off, my mom the most. She's threatened to move out, with me and leave but never has. She feels guilty, and I don't blame her, but she has every right to be upset and pissed off. My aunt and uncle accuse her of stealing money, and so does my dad, and say she's whiny complaining and just not doing anything. Well some days or most days she can't, and she does lie in bed for she feels so sick she can't keep her head straight to get things done. Taking care of my grandmother is a full time responsablity. In fact it's like two days in one, I've had to take care of her part of the time and it's like a full time. I'm sixteen. My mom is 46, is withering away from stress, she's barely happy, I want her to be happy, I want her to not have to do this.
My family that is suppose to be helping out, doesn't they are to busy with their stuff, buying new things and just having a hell of a good time. We think they are the ones who are stealing the money for they won't give my mom the bank information she needs to stay on budget. 50 grand is gone apprently. Again my mother is accused of stealing it. But how can we if we are working to have a little bit of money (my mom works and while she's doing that i take care of my grandmother). My aunt and uncle are to take my grandmother in the month of august for the whole month so that me and my mom have a break and can go camping with my friends.
However if that side of the family doesn't then we leave. We can't go for almost a full year with out a few weeks away from my grandmother. She will put us into a mental institution or our graves. Or some one might end up dead. Hopefully figurlly speaking.
If we move, I be some what glad, but where... my mom wants to travel, and I want to live in abbotsford, but also not leave my friends in Vancouver, But If I were to choose I pick Abbotsford for two reasons. My love and My longest best friend.
I like allowing my mom to vent her anger towards me even if at times or most times i can't handle it, for it hurts my head, today I was starting to get un easy again. Though it could be why drama/horror mangas please me so much, it just suits how I am feeling. Though sometimes a bad thing.. For the saying in it "if you want to cut off some one's head so badly... cut off your own head." cause me want to, and play it in my mind, which made me smile and act all weird. Least it was short lived.
I feel better now expressing it. And I can be open but just in a little bit of a closed manner. Just least I was able to make sence of what I was wanting to express and talk about.
 Rikku42 · Thu May 18, 2006 @ 07:48am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
