Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

If I died, would you care? You seem so set to make me out as the bad guy in your word, even though I made one mistake. I'm only human, after all. I'm not her. I'm not. I can't make that any clearer. Stop comparing me to her or making it seem like I'm going to be that wicked c**t. I can't lose another friend but I won't take anymore abuse from your mouth. I'm not sure I want you in my life if you just want to hurt me to get me to stay away from you. Next time you do that, I won't back don't. I'll bite back and I'll bite hard with my words because my words are all I have left.

Just... don't let me go. You don't deserve to be along and you need to figure that out. I hope you read this, because you need to. You protect your heart, you say, but the way you're going about it is wrong. You'll end up alone for the rest of your life, and by the time you figure that out, it might be too late... I just want to help you. Let me in... it doesn't have to be all at once, but little by little... I push my limits on you because I care. I'm not trying to hurt you. In these five years of knowing me, have I ever tried to hurt your feelings intentionally? Not that I know of.

I wanted to keep talking or at least check in with you so I knew you were alive. You know my PTSD and why I freak out. You didn't have to yell at me. I worded my PM wrong, but I meant no harm...

I don't love myself, but loving others helps me heal myself slowly, so don't question my feelings as a friend because you don't understand if you do. That is all. This is stressed out and frustrated as hell Brianna, signing off.