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August 8, 2009 - Saturday

jessica jonell ragan
well about last year in may i met this girl named jessica at my school. she was my gf friend. well i didnt think anything of it. i didnt know her lil borter and my lil brother were friends. one day her lil brother and sister and jessica all came to my house, becuase thy found a puppy and they were wondering what type was it.well i realized that i known her from school. i tried flurting with her and it wasnt working. so i asked her lil brother to call for my lil brother marcus. and when he did i asked him to put his sister on the phone (jessica). well we started talking and well i had to go take a shower so i asked will he called me back. she said yeah but i didnt expect her too.and she did. so i knew she must of liked me a little. well i started talking to her at school more.and i can she that jessica was starting to like me. i wrote her lots of notes and i tried to be there for her when she wanted me to be.i aked her did she have a bf. and she said she was taken by some guy in virginia and that she loved him. that kinda put me in a bad situation. so i just had to make her realize that i was better then that guy she was with bk there.well one day i came from the mall with my friends and jessica and her lil bro and sis was at my house by the door for some odd reason. and i let them in.. ( i went to the mall to get KH2 ).. and well i talked to her and threw dollars at them.. idk i never like to keep money.and well... later on i i found out she stayed after school for extra help or something like that. and well there was a couple of times when she was suposed to have it but end up not.. and well i invited her over one of those days and well i was painting my room ( blue )and well i was walking with jessica to my house.. and some random a** lady in front of the neiboors door ( i h8 the neiboors i tell you why later )and she was like " why you taking that girl in your house, you just using her for sex" i was like wtf... and i ended up arguing with some fat nasty black lady. because she was trying to fight with my friend tyrone.. well any ways most of my friends were there that day. and that wa the first time jessica was over while my mom and friends were over. and well she kinda made her self look like a retard... because she wouldnt talk and she kept poking me... my friends had a bad impression of her.well after i gave her a freeze pop she said she was going to walk home so i got a hug and said bye.. and when she was leaving my mom told me to go walk her home. so i did and i caught up with her.well that was the first time i went to her house..well she invited me in so i went..it was the messiest house i ever walked into i was kinda scared.i saw the door to her room and i walked in it.. it looked and smelled like hell. so i just closed it...well i was kinda bored but at the same time i was happy cause i felt like i just moved up a level in my progress of getting her to go out with me. she wanted to watch a movie with me .. but i dont know what ended up happening. like all i can remember is me getting mad at her for someting and me giving her the silent treatment.. and well she started crying and i felt like crap when she did. so i decided to stop being mean.i think that was also the first day i met her mom.idk i didnt wana seem like a stranger so i just gave her a hug...and well she came and let and came back later on.. well it was pretty late like 1 or 2 in the morning and so then i left bk and went home..well when i got home an my mom yelled at me for coming home so late.. i told her "you were the one wanting me to walk her home for all you know it coulda been a long walk"well before i went to sleep i would try to write her a poem....ill think of what i want and then think of words that rhymed and made damn sense.(hmm trust me i know u dont wana read this much im not trying to type as much)well i had these two girl neiboors they were sisters.one named ashly and the other ariel.well ariel knew i like jessica and she kept bothering her at school.and jessica didnt really want to deal with me because of ariel. so i told ariel to stop and she said she would leave jessica alone as long as i gave her 20$ a week. so i did. ...well later on after i finally got jessica to go out with me.... i guess people at school caught on and kept saying s**t to her about it. the only things i heard is that i should dump her and that she is retarded and ugly. but she wasnt. they didnt know her like i was getting to. she not retarded she jut kinda slow and doesnt get things as easy as everyboy else does. and shes isnt ugly she was really beautiful. she had puppy like eyes and a pretty smile.. just cause she dont have big boobs or a giant a** dont mean she aint sexy.. ( but she does get them later lmao )she was kinda mean though she kinda bossed me around at school and made me look like a p***y. one time she even made me cry after school in front of my friends. i was waitng next to her by her locker so i can carry her bag and walk her home. and she just turned around and cussed me out for no apparent reason. if she only knew how many people wanted to beat her a** for that.. i think she aplogized for it.. i dont really remember.. well the more and more i continued to be around jessica the more and more i was in love with her.but my mom was gettting mad at me and my friends were saying im a traitor. cause well a long time ago i used to tell my firnds it wasnt right choosing to hang out with a girl u just started going with over hanging out with your long time friends. but i didnt care. because the way i saw i didnt need my mom or my friends just her. well ima skip to the summer. my mom kickd me out because i was at jessicas house a lot. and she said dont bother coming back home sine you like being there so much..even though i think its because i stayed over there on my lil brothers birthday..well i ended up living with jessica part of the summer until like a month.but yeah the summer is when me and her got really close. she kept saying she like me as a friend. but when i went away only 4 3 weeks out of the whole summer.. she said she missed me. and even eventually she loved me.i actually overslept when i sleept with her.. ( lol i know me over sleep XD )but she was really comfy and i felt loved and secure.( and you remember how after melody i would probably never sleep much again)i felt in my heart jessica was the one for me.. and well everything was good until her dad came back from the navy in december.firsy he didnt allowed me and her to sleep togather no more. which ******** up my sleeping pattern and my routine.. then he banned me from ever being in her room with lights on.. then he said i cant be in there with the door locked.. -_- u seeing how this is going....oh wow i forgot to mention several things. ( dont blame me its 3 am T.T ) 1 jessica always hit her lil bro and sister... and they didnt respect her but they liked me more. and she yelled at them all the time.and well she said she did it cause her dad always did it.( omg this is a lot of typing and im only at the begining i pity ppl who write biographies) well her dad alwys get drunk and started actin stupid and s**t. well one day it got out of hand and i he hit jessica with a telescope or smething. and it was like 2 in the moring and i just went to sleep at my house when jessica called me crying on the phone saying she left out her house cause her dad hit her.. and i got up put on my clothes and i talked to her on the phone until i got to where she was. and i walked her back home. and i slept with her that night .. i didnt really care if he said i could or not that particular night cause he hurt my gf.... the one i vow to love and protect....damnim forgetting so many things now.. well rmember how at the begining i told u i met jessica though her my gf at the time. well her name was caitlin. and um,,after she found out me and jesica were going out.. idk.. it was a day me and jessica were mad at each other. and wel caitlin was saying things i wanted to hear and i made a dumb mistake a dumped jessica.. the same day i did that i knew i wanted her bk.. but it took me all the way to september for that to happen. oh.. and the first day we made out. we made out all day non stop. it was awsome. and wel we made out for hours and that ened up being the first night we slept togather ( non sexual )oh actually that was september 3rd lmao the first day we made out and stuff cause i asked her out the next day after that september 4th and she said yeah.. i was so happy.well anyways like i was saying i got rally cloe to her and well her dad ended up ruining a lot of our relationship. and it didnt help when i told him i had sex with his wife..i hate lying and i feel guitly when i do. thats w i told him.. ut really that made it worse. i told jessica as well. and i thought i lost her that day. but i rather hd lost her witht he truth being said then keeping her with lies .well me and jessica had a lot of pointless fights. and usally we get over it and were okay. but there times when i didnt know when to let go.. and same thing with her. her lil bro and sis havent helped that much either.. they like me a lot and when i give them no attention they made up s**t about me just for her to be mad at me so i would talk to them. and wellthe lil sis makes up things about me and about her..i been accused of cheating ,,but yet i gave her my myspace and i even offered to let her call any girl on my phone.i tried to do everythng i can to make it look like im not trying to hide anything..some times when i was mad at her i would call one of my female friends and tell t hem. and they tell me if i love her go apologize and stuff.there was this girl named nfinity. my friend zacks lil sister and well she was obsessed and she was like 13 and well she wanted me to marry her and get her pregnant and dtuff. and well jessica got mad an jealous that she called so much.. and jesica wanted me to stop talking to infinity.. so i didand i even tried to let jessica tell infnity to leave me alone.. and yet when she got this bf named ben who always callin and txtin her .. she acts likes im not supsed to get mad either... when jessica didnt like it and wanted me to stop doing things.. i ddi them i didnt try to say she was controlling me. but no i ask her to do something. im trying to run her whole life.she gets mad at me cause i dont like her music.. and thats because she played the same damn songs over and over and over and over.she dont know a thing about me obivously.. yo uknow i like hilary duff and evanesance and avril lvene and 3 doors down and flyleaf.. but if i listened to that music around her she would coment about it. so i dont.. and any rap sngs i would listen to. she ddint liek it so ddnt play it.. so ******** hypicritical .she tries to call me the cheator but im not the one going over to guys houses that text me and stuff all day. all that ime we been togather we havent had sex yet. i had so many chances where i could of cheated on her and not gotten caught at all. but i didnt because i tohught she really loved me and al that ect.they tried to blame me for a lot of things.. well they tried to blame me for some dirty a** nasty dog dying.. i didnt even touch the poor thing really. it looked miserable i felt sad and disgusted.and well i accdently killed there cat. which really was ariels cat but jessica found it and took it.i was running to the kitchen and i tripped and fell on the cat. it looked like nothing happend except me throwind the spoon i had in my hand in the air and it broke the fan glass. well i didnt think anything was wrong with the racist cat. so i didnt say anything. and well i found out it died later...i kinda felt bad about that i havent told them yet i wa going to wait later to say it.they also tried to blame me for her not doing her homwork.. thats all on her.. she didnt even asked me to help...oh i forgot to mention i got kicked out in school in september because i missed too many days...( i wasnt going to schol with out certian clothes ) i got back in in j anuary..like when half the year was over. and then my mom took me out of school which was so hoom..i cried over this girl so many times it int funny. i usally cey myslef to sleep. but sometmes she acts like she controls me an s**t and that makes me not be nice to her..cause she say "i got you wrapped around my finger" that like calling me your bitchand well i brought her a ring.. after like 5 months of me not spending no money on myself..i saved everything for thatit cost like 723$ but that was tax so it was 700 and then i found out she didnt even want the ring.. and my friend tyler well heard me talkin bout it, and well i got arrrested the day jessica wanted me to meet her at the park to give her some money. i got arrested cause of my mom. but i got out in 3 days.when i got out i found out tyler gave the expenisve a** ring to his gf.. i was kinda sad and mad but at te same time i didnt care cause jessica told me she wasnt ready for a ring. so i felt like it wa all wasted effort anyhow.every time i got money i always spent it on her..i even gave her my fav teddy bear...well...all i asked her to do was call me sometime in the day or and sometime at night b4 she goes to bed. wel one day i was supposed to spend time wit her. she didnt call me almost the whole day. and she said she was busy all day. and i find that bullshit casue it only takes a min to say hi i love youa nd bye.and she got mad at me cause i didnt belive her. well the next morning. i wanted to spend time with her. and well i told her on myspace to call me cause i was going to cali the next day and i wanted to spend more time with her.and well i called her and all i said was i ant mad about the other day and it wa skinda ******** up how u couldnt call though. and sh e told me she wanted me to come over and i said i might..( even though on myspace i clearly said i was going to )and well she was getin all mad at me and gave me an attitude and s**t. so i come over . and she walks out as soon as i go though the door. and nevereven came back in or sai dhi or talked to me.. that pissed me off cause she said she wantd to spend time withh me and then she was acting like a b***h.. so i got irrated and left. and i said if she wana be like then then maybe we shouldnt go out no more.i didnt say i was dumping h er..but she was actng like she wanted me 2.. wellthen i go to cali and when i was there i got her a keychain and a grammy thingy that said best girlfriend. and this cute star necklce i though she might like. and a giant lolli pop. and well i buy her s**t with the money i was supposed to use for food . and welli come back to florida. she didnt pick up noneof my calls. i heard she went to bens house. and then she hids in the bathroom when i come. dont even talk to me. and well i got her out the bathroom. i gave her the stuff. and she didnt even thank me for it. she she ignored me and didnt even talk to me..again!! just liek the other day.. she kept sying she aint want anybody to talk to her and stuff.. but yet she goes to this dudes huse the day before.. and her lil bro and sis told me what she was doing.and well she runs to her room. and i followe dher.. i asked her whats wrong and she starts sceaming and yelling at me leave me the fuc alne. telling me go away. and im like are u sure thats what u want.. and she said leaveme the ******** alone. screaming it at me. so i got really mad. cause nothing get me angrier then ppl screaming in my face. i slammed the door i got my stuff. and the stuff i brought her.. i broke the thing that said best gf in half cause she definaly wasnt acting like no best gf. i threw the looli pop so hard it went off the handle and smashed intoa lot f peices. i took the ncklace and ripped it apart. and i just left...i was so mad .. mad enough to beat some a**.well then i aint talk to her for like 2 days. and um i was at my house and we had a sleep over. i got bored and left with my friend fredrck and went to my other house. we were having fun and stuff and he notcied i ws kinda quieter then usul.. ( caue i was kinda missing jessica )and well i told him about her and wht happened. and he said he could fix it. i take a nap and i told him dnt go on no porn and stuff . and well wheni woke up he said he wanted to fix me and jessica relationship. i bet him he couldnt do it. so we went there.and well i left him by th ehouse and i was bike rding for a few and wa waintg for them to talk.and well after awhile i went bk over ther and well she aint even talk to me. and she was beng so ******** uncoopertive it wasnt even funny. so after awhile her an fedrick kept walkin goff and stuff. and well we were there formabout 1 to 6 in the moring. i saw it was hpeless so i left. i was kinda irriated. i cme bk and my friend dad was yeling atme as soon as i walked in cause he said i was watcihng porn an di left that s**t on..( it was fredrick) i just said sorry andi went right bk to jessicas house. i got offmy bike and beat fredricks a**.. cause it was the one more thing i needed before iw as going to lose my patentice. so i beat his a** and jessica yelled s**t saying ts over. she tried to get in the way of the fight and i pushed her away. and well.... after that she aint really talked to me since. the lil sister tells me that she going out with ben now.. and well idk really.wait i confirmed she is going out with ben which she denied stright to my face several times. i heard it from a girl at her sleepover. and also she continues to bad mouth me and call my a lying cheating b*****d and a player.well some say i assume to much, some say im paranoid. but it appears my analytical thinking have turned out being a lot better then a thought it was.to make a long story short. i was dating this b***h who names makes my stomach turns when i even think about saying it.and well the only reason i even know the ******** is because her no life a** prank called my damn phone like 3 am on a saturday talking about shes my babies mama and some s**t.which i help a very compelling argument against which i uncluded my ex fiance, my (former) best friend, and my brother. who all knew damn well at the time i allegedlygot her pregnant i was engaged and i never had the time nor opportunity to cheat. ok lets stop right there. who is their right mind even does s**t like that? any person with common sense and a ******** life dont go around calling random guys i the middle of the night accusing people of having kids that aint theres. well anyways after that me and her talked awhile and we met up. bleh i dont feel like going through this whole pointless relationship... lets see she told me to buy her a ring which i did. um she took my phone and started s**t with every female. she started s**t with my ex fiancee to the point that we arent even on talking terms anymore. so that window is closed for good. then she always accused me of cheating. me and i did a lot of things just to prove my loyalty. i gave her my phone whenever she wanted it. i erased like every girls number in my phone. i pretty much cut every female out of my life. i gve her my myspace password. and when that wasnt even enough i just deleted my myspace. which included a lot of friends i cant find and well every female i talked to. and like everytime she talked to me she was always askin about my (former) best friend. yep to make a long story short. she told me she had feelings for him and she wanted to ******** him "jokingly" now once again who in their right mind does that? she got mad because i got mad when she told me that. no one jokes about s**t like that. oh and get this she "assured" me that she was joking and she doesnt even like white him like that. blah blah blah. there was a day we were supposed to go to the beach and stuff and she was supposed to go drop off my best friend and then come gt me so we could go spend time togather. but hmm that aint happen instead my friend never even went where he said he was supposily going. and sh enever came and got me. and then she send me txt saying she really does has feelings for him.and she expects me not to believe considering the facts. and she gets mad and wants to break up because i take everything too seriously. oh then she adds she never liked me anyways and she had another guy on the side. which i kinda figured anyways so that didnt shock me. oh well lets see i try to keep my feelings bottled up.cause i was pretty ******** mad that my (former) best friend would even do that to me. then he was acting stupid and all high up on cocaine and braggin to me about how he took my girl from me and s**t. so i got mad and went off on his a**. we got in a huge fight and s**t got broken and i hit him and he choked me. and well his dad asked me to leave so i left and went back to my moms. and i found out this week they really did ********. he confessed it to me and now he thinks he has an std. and going to get tested. so im kinda glad i didnt ******** the hoe. he took one for the team right there ; ) well lets calulate what a gained and lost from this whole outcome.lost : a relationship with my ex fiance, a best friend, 180$ on a ring, all potential girls i could of dated,and i very important super smash brothers brawl tourneyment that i was very much needed in ,which my crew is still mad about me missing. gained : common knowledge,a new outlook on females, a badass attitiude, carelessness, depression, lot of wasted time. well i hope you dont end up like me guy who lost truly