I really am happy for her. I'm so glad Kayla found someone who's willing to happily shout out that he loves her. She deserves it so much that it's nearly crazy that it happened just when she ran off to Georgia.
And we all saw it coming, so here it is:
But, I'll admit I'm jealous. I've never been in love. Never even been close and for a while, neither had Kayla. Now she has it and she's gone off to Georgia and I'm feeling insanely lonely. Not just on a physical scale, like abandoned and not able to see her face. Now it feels like emotional seperation. :/ She's in love. She feels different. And yeah, I put on the happy face and smile through our IM's, but...it hurts. And I can't tell her, because then I'll feel like a b***h. She's so happy and she's so lucky, but god. I really wouldn't mind being that in love. She doesn't feel like my Kayla anymore. I can't talk to her about the same things right now. She's head over heels, can't stop talking about him love. And it hurts. And I don't know why. It shouldn't upset me that she's in love. I should be happy and I am, but I'm not and I'm sitting here swallowing tears and I don't know why. :/
It's weird. I don't want to be in love, but I want to be. I'm afraid to care about anyone that much, but I want to. I don't understand. Why am I so afraid of something I've never had? or felt? or experienced at all?
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Ridahna's Twisted Thoughts
I expect (and as such so should you) to find me writing a lot of crazy irrevelvant and quite possibly insulting things in this journal. You've been warned.
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