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So...
I've been rather depressed lately. as some people might know. i've just lately had random urges to cry. they aren't really provoked too much by anything they just sort of happen. luckily i have only given in 3 times and have managed to hold it back about 5. two have just happened randomly on the way home after school. mostly being in my house i get sad. It's mostly from what i can see is, my parent's recent divorce. I really didn't think that it would bother me this much, but whenever i see my parents talking the room just like fills with unhappy vibes. and it makes me all feel really sad.

Yesterday before i went to Cory's house my mother talked with me and told me the reasons why she and my father broke up. Apparently my father can be more of a p***k then previously thought. Apparently he would tell my mother that she was out of shape and she should do something about it. meanwhile hes not in the greatest condition himself. He'll go on "diets" but he never really does anything. he'll maybe start eating salads for lunch or something of that sort. so over the years my mother has strive her best to try and fulfill the expectations that he had.

Another reason was that, my father lies to my mother a lot. for example: my grandpa on my father's side is.... well hes not the greatest. He has multiple problems. the two main ones are the fact that hes missing most of his lower jaw, so he can't talk very well. the other is that he is an alcoholic, and he has been for a very long time. When my father was little he and his siblings would just try to overlook that and they continue to do that to this day. My mother on the other hand told my father that he should try to do something about it. and so my father told my mother that he would. and he never did. he just told her to get her to stop pestering him about it. or something.

For the past, i dunno seven-ish maybe eight months, my mother had been sleeping in the basement or when my sister wasn't here, in Sarah's room. and apparently my father didn't care what so ever and went on with his activities.
my father was also not open fully emotionally or something, and he has lots of things that have always annoyed my mother that i knew about and the main one is that he must control EVERYTHING. which i even find annoying xP

AND so my mother decided to file a divorce. now that i kinda have heard this i can kinda see why they wanted to do it. but the thing still is that i don't like it. sure i'll now have four Christmases but i just don't like it. when my mother started to sleep on the couch and such i could tell that there was something wrong not just my dad's "snoring" as she originally told me (he does snore really loud though. sometimes i can hear it over my music on the computer with my headphones while he's in the chair). i just thought that they would hang on till i dunno i went to college? so then they wouldn't have to ******** up my already ******** up senior in high school brain. blarg.

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