best if u dont read this.
ok i was wondering..am i boring, useless, dumb in anyway? ok i admit it i always feel negative about myself. i guess im fairly self conscious and always regret wat i say after saying out loud. i want to go to my friends house over the weekend cauz they're having this movie marathon on. so i ask if i can go. my mum says no. says ive been over to many parties/sleepovers etc, and whats the point of it? the point is mum is for us kids to hav fun. i get left out when ppl start talking about a certain event where everyone is there except for me. although at times it may b uncomfortable cauz im just left in the corner faking a smile here and then but still i like to be with my friends. i get so sick of "studying". what do u think i do at school? u cant always expect me to hav homework everyday. ok i also admit that im a little jealous of my sister. i know everyone loves my sis cauz shes outgoing and all. even my friends say so. yes she does help out in the family and shes my dads favourite. i kno i seem to do little but i still do help out. i do things that i dont want to do, becauz no one else can do it like taking my sis to school, giving the bank money, cleaning our house,helping out at the shop.. i do things. i hate it when im compared to my cousins as well. yeah yeah yeah, theyre great- perfect marks, smart, blah blah blah. one reason why my mum's in such a bad mood. becauz of my grandma. she goes on and on and on which eventually all the blame kinda falls onto me. i hate how they treat me. ok this bit is something i wouldnt ever tell anyone so if u must read it..my dad used to hit me all the time when i was young. i was the one he took his anger on. that was the reason why my grandma came to australia in the first place. i remember really sad memories of this- one where i once try to hide underneath the bed and my parents dragged the bed to hit me with a stick..ive kinda let it go but whenever i am truly sad i think about all these things..i dont think i can ever really forget this but i just want to be able to do things that i want to without always feeling awkward asking my parents. i dont exactly have such a great relationship with them either like other families..
 sassy_starry · Sat Mar 10, 2007 @ 08:07am · 1 Comments |
