June, 24, 2017. Today was Grandpa's funeral. It was hard to see him painted up and dressed up in a box. Grandma kept saying 'thats not my bill.' and asking what they did to him. It.. It hurt.
Today of all days i had hoped my mothers siblings wouldnt be terrible pieces of s**t who complained bout everything.. sadly that's all they did. they complained about the obit, the complained about not being able to take things grandpa said they could have. they were hounding mom for money she doesnt have. it was right enraging. I wanted to tell them all to get the ******** out if they can't be respectful for one goddamned day..
I wrote grandpa a eulogy along with my other family members. I was the only one who actually read it... I was so nervous I accidentally said 2007 due to trying to choke back tears and nerves making the 'teen' too quiet to be heard. hah... I was one of the six people carrying the casket to the grave.. It was hard. I nearly tripped and broke my ankle on the uneven ground of the cemetery ^^;.. wouldn't that be a fun place to be today.. the ER cause im a klutz. hah..
I passed out cold shortly after we got home.. I had been awake for two days straight so.. -sigh- i needed the sleep. Tomorrow I am going to get up early and go applying for work. I know that im not mentally capable to handle a work place but Mom really needs help with the bills, so my mental health doesnt matter. Mom is trying to take care of two households. It shouldn't be only her problem, This should be a burden carried by the entire family. When a family units and carries the same burden... the weight is lighter on the one who carried it all originally. I am going to get a full time job and open emergency commissions to help with things, the funeral cost nearly $10,000 to do today and that means everyone will be going without for a while. I need to do something to help the bills get paid... I just hope I don't get hospitalized again from anxiety X AX;.
I found that i really hate being told it will be okay. It wont be okay. It will be different, eventually i'll start moving forwards again, but it will never be okay again.
not unless you can bring my grandpa back to me.
what else... Oh.. The ceiling in my room started to leak.. I'll have to help mom pay for the roof repairs so we stop having leaks. After the roof repair he have to replace the floors, some places are so rotten if you walk on them you have a risk of falling through to the basement. this is the joy of living in a 160+ year old home.
I will continue my thought on how to go about things tomorrow.. I need to do some art work and get to bed...
Until later.
-Lue
 Lucifer Knightroad · Sat Jun 24, 2017 @ 06:40am · 0 Comments |
