Fear and Regrets
Something that I've learned since being with Tsuyaru... and Rin for that matter, is that life, even and especially that of a human, is a delicate thing that is not to be taken lightly.
Some time ago, while attempting to become more powerful by learning a new technique with Tenseiga, Rin's life was put in jeopardy, as I also learned that the Tenseiga can only revive someone from the dead once. At that time, I learned what it was to fear the loss of any living thing. I realized that I could not hold any being's life in my hands so easily without the possibility of losing them, despite my powers with Tenseiga.
Most recently, I have learned a new fear...... the fear of hurting those that I care about.
Tsuyaru had come to me one night after having been with Inuyasha's friends for a short time and I accused her of being unfaithful. I said some choice words that I would rather not even repeat here. And with that, I left her standing in the woods with no intention of coming back for her. A rather rash mistake that I will never make again as long as I live. I had only gotten a short distance away when I heard a heart-wrenching scream. The moment I had left her alone, a wild panther like youkai attacked her, leaving a large gash on her side. By the time I had gotten to her she had already lost a lot of blood. I was actually panicked. I told her not to die, as though she could do anything about it. She told me "Okay, I'll try not to" just before she fainted, so I picked her up and ran for the nearest village I could find that might have a doctor. As I entered the village, I was met by some villagers who disliked my presence, but pointed me towards the doctor of the village anyway. Just as I was about to head in the direction that the villagers pointed, I heard someone shout for me to wait. Inuyasha and his friends happened to be arriving at the village and noticed Tsuyaru very seriously injured in my arms as they came rushing over. I told them that I didn't have time for their nonsense, but before I was able to leave, the girl Kagome urged me to take Tsuyaru to a doctor in her time. I was hesitant to take advise from anyone associated with Inuyasha, but Inuyasha made a point that it wasn't about what I wanted to do, it was for her health... so I agreed and followed Inuyasha to the well. Along the way, I remarked that Inuyasha was moving too slow and warned him that if Tsuyaru died that I would hold him accountable for it and that I would personally take his head for it. He probably would have been more apt to an argument if the situation wasn't as it was, so instead he agreed and Kagome volunteered to stay behind and wait for Miroku and Sango to catch up so that she wouldn't slow us down. When we got to the well, Inuyasha tried to say something about me not being able to pass through the well, but before he had the chance to finish his sentence I jumped right in. He was a little intrigued to find that Kagome and himself weren't the only ones able to pass through the well. We then had Kagome's mother take us to the hospital, where Tsuyaru is currently being treated for her wounds.
It's been a week and a half and she just finally woke up. Much to my relief she lived and will have nothing more than a scar by the time she has finished recovering.
Since taking the help of my half brother whom I utterly despised before, I have been able to talk to him like I never thought that I would have ever done. I told him about my fear, and despite some remarks he made that nearly had me end his very life right then and there, he hasn't held me in the same disrespect as he did before. Though, I almost felt provoked for a moment when Inuyasha implied that I would have denied having any feelings for a human when the nurse asked what relation I was to Tsuyaru. I very clearly responded by telling him that I, Sesshoumaru, have no need to deny having feelings for a human. Afterwords, Kagome started going on suggesting that when Tsuyaru is well we might have a "real" wedding. Though, I haven't responded to that statement yet.
A couple of other issues I have yet to deal with include deciding whether Tsuyaru does or does not remember what had happened when she was attacked and if she remembers why I wasn't there, and figuring out how to react to a question I overheard Tsuyaru ask the nurse while I was out of the room.
A short time after Tsuyaru woke up, she requested that I get her something to drink because she said her mouth was dry. Of course I was more than willing to grant her wish, but as I returned to the room I overheard that question. But like I said, I haven't decided how to address that situation yet. Tsuyaru keeps saying that she wants to go home and that she misses Rin and Jaken, but until she has recovered a little more I won't allow her to go anywhere. And I won't leave her side again.
Never hurt those you love, because, when they are gone... they are gone for good.
