Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Okay, so I went to the movies to try and relax tonight. I watched "when in rome" It was an okay movie but lots of things where still on my mind. I was relieved to come home and my girlfriend saying she wants to stay with me, but to be honest I am very scared that just the next time she thinks about it and says "I'm bored and I hate this relationship" I feel that I am going to be very heartbroken. I know I am very replaceable. Trust me there is NOT much to replace at all...And I really do want whats best for her so if the time does come up and she breaks up with me for that reason, I would probably support her and try to get her back on track...and after I achieve that...well it's either I try to live on with my life a bit or just end it after i complete my dream of making her life a good one...All I've done to it is mess it up so far. I still think shes with me because she THINKS that she can't have better even if she wanted to...which i imagine she might...So I could totally see soe cute guy come in the picture and guess who's going to be the one tuned down. Lets just say there would be only one cute guy...and I am not him. The cute guy would be very pleased...I feel like I am totally misjudging my girlfriend at the moment with that...but I have to face reality. I'm not a dream guy to her anymore...I am boring...and I am not excieting and she does not like being with me. I know it's going to happen to me...I just hope I won't let it kill me. From this point on though, I'm going to try and focus more on being a bit happier instead of being such a depressed blob constantly. Maybe she will love me more. I can only hope. crying

End of entry #5 - Part 3

Luke. J. Hollis.