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I feel like a hopeless man. My girlfriend does not know if she loves me or not...and I don't even know if i even like myself. The only thing that went decently okay today was my driving test....and that got ruined. I made a mistake today by assuming something about my grilfriend...I tend to do it a lot I think. I feel really guilty about all of it but I don't think she even wants anything to do with me right now. I decided to leave her alone in peace and not bug her. Even though im really lonely i still am deciding to keep for myself. I complained to her a lot tonight and fact is, shes tired of hearing my crying, and my crap. To be honest I would too. I feel im too much of a sensetive guy...and im ashamed of it. I', about 99.9% sure my girlfriend is too, but she will not admit that because shes a nice person in general and wouldn't be that cruel. One of the things I am feeling so guilty about is calling her a b***h. I can't believe I did that. I believe it's the third or fouth time I have done that, and i regret it deeply like each other time. Although i don't mean shes one in general just at the time..I know she will always hold it against me forever. I probably can't e forgiven for a while so I have chosen to try and not make contact with her untill she is ready again, I don't want to push her. I feel like going out in the snow right now and sleeping in it and hoping I freeze, but believe it or not...there are like four people that do actually care for me and it would not be fair to them. My girlfriend taught me that. Tomorrow is going to be yet another hectic and lonely day and I am not looking forward to it at all. I wish i had a universal control to pause the world and take a breather, but the world just keeps chucking at me. Well...I bring all my problems on by myself, no one else is to blame for them but I just wish I was not a screw up basically everyday. One of theses days something very bad will happen to me I bet, and I will deserve every bit of it. I'm feeling light headed and slightly sick...So i suppose i should take care of that right now before things get worse with that too. I wish my girlfriend wasn't so mad at me so she would give me some advice and show me how much she loves me. Even though she says she doesn't know...I know for a fact that she loves her Lukie Bear oh so much.

End of entry #3 - Part 2

Luke. J. Hollis.