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*sigh*. Well.....you know my story, Soulless Affections? I don't think you'll be seeing Chapter 3 in a few days or weeks. I just don't feel motivated to write or type. *sigh* I don't know what's wrong with me. If my mom thinks that counselling is going to help me sort out my feelings, I don't think so.
But what I think is good about counselling is that I can really talk about things that I don't wanna tell anybody else which I don't know what or I might've forgotten. I still feel that big lump in my chest. Even thought I have Nagisa, Mikoto, and Suki to talk to, to lift this weight up, I still feel it. And I don't think that it's going to go away until I die. Why?
Because.......my real life friends know my whole name. And my name comes from my dad.
As long as I have this name, there will always be that big lump in my throat. Unless I'm legally able to change my name.
*sigh* I haven't been in the mood to say my favorite non-human word.
Everyone knows what it is, maybe. Only my real life friends know because I always say it at school.
Everything isn't going to be the same anymore. I feel.......different.
*sigh* Dammit all!!! Oh well.......
I don't feel like I'm in the mood for funny stuff. The only people I know that can really get me in the mood are Nagisa, Mikoto, and Suki.
Whenever I talk with Shina, everything always turns out bad.
That's why I always avoid her pms. I should also turn down her txt msgs she sends to my e-mail.
Hehehehe.................

I am swallowed by the dark as I sing into the night
Even as I see the sun bringing forth the mornings light
Though it's far away I'll get there someday
'Cause the door is open and I can walk beyond

When I step into the sun, my heart begins to soar
I smell that sweet perfume, and feel complete like never before
Your very presence next to me is more then enough
To make the pain not return anymore

I don't have a single wish
For I now have everything I want
As long as you are always here with me

When you step into the sun, my heart begins to soar
You smell that sweet perfume, and feel complete like never before
I'll always be here right next to you forever more
As we step throught that wide open door


I wish I was like that.


sekaiuu ikutsu no ai no katachi arundarou
hitori hitori chigau mono wo kakaengara ikiteru
kazoku ya tomodachi ya onaji GOAL miru nakama
minna ga ite sasaeatte ima no watashi iru no
itsumo soba ni atta taisetsu no mono
kizukazu ni ita koto shitta

jibun no tame dake ni ikiru no wa sabishii
sekkaku kono sekai ni umaretandakara
EVERYBODY HAS TO SAY GOODBYE
sorenara ikutsumono egao wo anata ni agetai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How many forms can love take out there in the world?
We all live with our own burdans to bear.
As family, friends, and comrades, all sought the same goal,
because of their support, I was made into what I am today.
Now I can finally see that I was living oblivious to
the important things that had always been right next to me

None of us were born to live alone.
And so we are fortunate enough to exist in this world,
EVERYBODY HAS TO SAY GOODBYE
Until then I want to fill your days with smiles.


Yeah.....I'm sure that that is a definate fact.
Sure people wish that they can die and all. BUT!!!!
But they won't die. Once they're on the verge of death not by old age but by accidents, murders, and suicide, they're going to regret that they wished for it. Because they won't be able to see their beloved friends ever again.
I'm over it. I don't think that anymore. I've stopped. I want to live with everything I have now. Still daydreaming of how I wished everything was like.
No matter how much everything turns out bad for me, I've decided to live my live to the fullest.
But the thing that I want the most.....is my friend's trust. Sure I have Nagisa's, Suki's, most likely Shina's but I feel that I don't have Mikoto's trust.

Mikoto, if you're reading this, then refer back to Shina's journal that you commented on.
If you want me to trust you, you're going to have to tell me everything....of what's going on. Of what you're being put through. I WANT to understand.
If you don't tell....then I'm afraid I can't trust you anymore then I have before.
I won't force you to tell me, but it's your choice. No matter what, and no matter what happens, I will always love you to the core of my heart. You're very important to me.
Anyways, I gotta go.