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... after i hung up, i took out my shoebox , the one with all of logans stuff in it... god that was horrible.. the picture i took of him.... the little house ornament he gave me when he thought i wastn going to be here for christmas, the valentines day card, that stupid little teddy bear, the key, the box with the crystal in it... and of course all of his notes... i read through all of them. the ones on the top we seemed so happy... all the way to the bottom of the pile you could see things falling apart... i used to be stressed all the time because deep down i knew he was lying to me but i didnt want to admit it... that started the nightmares... the funny thing is that in all the notes logan would write that 'youre perfect, i wouldnt trade you for the world' and 'i cant believe youd ever think that! id never break up with you, sorry, youre stuck with me'

*memory*
L: i would NEVEr break up with you! besides, if i do, you can kick me in the nuts 3 times... oh god thats gonna hurt... *wince*

ha. haha. ha.

and in a way, he kept his promise. he didnt tell me that he was breaking up with me. exact words:

L: i cant see you anymore

and in a way, he didnt see me anymore. i became invisible. he doesnt notice me anymore and looks right through me. jeebus, it completely shocked me when he waved goodbye to me on the last day of school, when we were walking home in that group and i had to leave.

when he broke up with me, i felt like i had lost my best friend, not a boyfriend. and i want him back as a friend, but i know that could never happen. wish there was some way i could tell him, but there isnt.