Everything is a whirlwind of emotions and some questions have gotta be answered.
The guy I am with, yeah, he's a nice guy but I'm not quite feeling anything. I love him as a friend but I don't know if I can go beyond that with him. I've legitimately try to fall for him, but I just can't. I've tried over and over to find a spark but I can't find one and I can't create one.
Sunday was when the whirlwind started. He had finally been through what he had put me through and we were actually talking for the first time in a month and a half. I felt so happy to be talking to him. Hours flew by and I didnt even notice. But with that, things that I thought I had buried, resurfaced faster than what I buried them at. Even touchy subjects were brought up.
Do I trust him with what I wanted to tell him? No, I should have no reason too after what I went through, but I want to be able to trust him again.
Do I love him? yeah, quite possibles. I at least have strong feelings still even though I got burned time and time again.
Whats going on in my imagination that has conflicts with reality? Wishing everything was almost exact as it was in the summer of 2009 when everything was good.
Does he want the same? I dunno, probably not. I can hope, but I know its just that, a hope and not reality.
I just wish I was stronger to have said everything right then and there instead of waiting and thinking about how I was gonna say it. I know it was just a friendly conversation, but it stirred up alot of things that I thought were gone, buried, or destroyed.
 Shortstopkate · Wed Apr 13, 2011 @ 01:08am · 0 Comments |
