I guess I should tell you about how it got started. Well, I have to admit, I never used to like him. In fact, I thought he was kind of weird in 7th grade. At the beginning of school, I was so focused on my friend that I didn’t have a crush. The boys in my class were just…boys who liked baseball and dirt bikes, nothing more, nothing less. I had no crush. The reason for my crush on Jeremy? I have no idea. I know, it’s bad. I have a crush and I don’t know why. It’s odd, it’s just one day, I went to school and I suddenly noticed him. Before he was just Nicky’s friend, a kid who was good at sports, probably smarter than me, but now he wasn’t just that, he was an actually person with a personality. Weird, I know, but I don’t know how else to explain it. From then on, things started going down hill.
The crush was just a small silly crush. Nothing important right? I had friend, art, computers, life, just everything to worry about BUT him. You see, crushes had never been an issue in my life. Now, now it’s so much more.
The crush I had got bigger as time went on. I don’t remember how or anything, it just reached its climax on Valentines Day. I never, ever thought about giving the guy a liked a note. Valentines Day was the thing that pushes me down the hill, and from then I kept falling faster and faster. I had thought about giving him a note. I wrote the note on the computer, guessing he would know right off the bat that it was me. I put it on his desk when the class was at P.E. He saw the note, everyone did. But he didn’t show any signs of getting that note. I was worried that he didn’t care.
Once home, I waited on Runescape for Jeremy to come online. He came on. I greeted Jeremy with a simple "hi". No answer. I didn’t give up just then though. Well, Jeremy talked to me. He said one thing, but I only wanted one thing. Only, the thing he said wasn’t what I had in mind. I remember, he told me,
“Justin doesn’t want you talking to him. He’s busy.”
Do you know how that made me feel, to know the only thing he told me was to stop bugging someone? It crushed me. He didn’t even say hi. He just told me to stop bugging Justin. I was pissed.
Aside from that, he said nothing else. I didn’t really bug him either. He just ignored me. I might have made him uncomfortable, or maybe he doesn’t like talking to girls, but still, he could have at least said hello right? I cried.
School was never the same. It was tormenting in its own ways. Every time I saw him I was reminded of the love I couldn’t have. Sometimes it even hurt to look at him.
I was sure I scared Jeremy away from me. Because he didn’t say anything, and he ignored me, I thought he hated me. I don’t know if he hates me or not, but he doesn’t like me and that’s all that matters. So, I was tangled up in the notion that he hated me, and that he’d never talk to me. It was true, I was upset with him. Aside from him completely ignoring me, hating me, I just thought I’d never have a chance. I blamed him because he wasn’t good with girls. It was so wrong of me to.
Well, as you know, things sucked. I just had to put up with it. Each day I went on and cooped with the pain. I don’t know how I managed, and I still don’t. I tried to focus on other things, but he always had a place in my mind and I couldn’t’ erase him. So, I was stuck in a rut by accident.
One day it got so bad. I went home and cried while I was reading the “boys” section of my devotional book. I talked to my friends about it and cried even more. An icon once read,
“The love you can’t have lasts the longest, feels the strongest, and hurts the most.”
Well, that was true for me. I don’t care if it’s not “love”. It hurt, lasted long, and felt the strongest. Stronger than anything else. I’ve already told you about how it hurt. It would be too much to explain it completely. So, I’ll leave it be. I’ve said enough.
The crush was just a small silly crush. Nothing important right? I had friend, art, computers, life, just everything to worry about BUT him. You see, crushes had never been an issue in my life. Now, now it’s so much more.
The crush I had got bigger as time went on. I don’t remember how or anything, it just reached its climax on Valentines Day. I never, ever thought about giving the guy a liked a note. Valentines Day was the thing that pushes me down the hill, and from then I kept falling faster and faster. I had thought about giving him a note. I wrote the note on the computer, guessing he would know right off the bat that it was me. I put it on his desk when the class was at P.E. He saw the note, everyone did. But he didn’t show any signs of getting that note. I was worried that he didn’t care.
Once home, I waited on Runescape for Jeremy to come online. He came on. I greeted Jeremy with a simple "hi". No answer. I didn’t give up just then though. Well, Jeremy talked to me. He said one thing, but I only wanted one thing. Only, the thing he said wasn’t what I had in mind. I remember, he told me,
“Justin doesn’t want you talking to him. He’s busy.”
Do you know how that made me feel, to know the only thing he told me was to stop bugging someone? It crushed me. He didn’t even say hi. He just told me to stop bugging Justin. I was pissed.
Aside from that, he said nothing else. I didn’t really bug him either. He just ignored me. I might have made him uncomfortable, or maybe he doesn’t like talking to girls, but still, he could have at least said hello right? I cried.
School was never the same. It was tormenting in its own ways. Every time I saw him I was reminded of the love I couldn’t have. Sometimes it even hurt to look at him.
I was sure I scared Jeremy away from me. Because he didn’t say anything, and he ignored me, I thought he hated me. I don’t know if he hates me or not, but he doesn’t like me and that’s all that matters. So, I was tangled up in the notion that he hated me, and that he’d never talk to me. It was true, I was upset with him. Aside from him completely ignoring me, hating me, I just thought I’d never have a chance. I blamed him because he wasn’t good with girls. It was so wrong of me to.
Well, as you know, things sucked. I just had to put up with it. Each day I went on and cooped with the pain. I don’t know how I managed, and I still don’t. I tried to focus on other things, but he always had a place in my mind and I couldn’t’ erase him. So, I was stuck in a rut by accident.
One day it got so bad. I went home and cried while I was reading the “boys” section of my devotional book. I talked to my friends about it and cried even more. An icon once read,
“The love you can’t have lasts the longest, feels the strongest, and hurts the most.”
Well, that was true for me. I don’t care if it’s not “love”. It hurt, lasted long, and felt the strongest. Stronger than anything else. I’ve already told you about how it hurt. It would be too much to explain it completely. So, I’ll leave it be. I’ve said enough.
Community Member
the all knowing person,
Mike S.