Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Oh man, before I was kind of miffed with Alex, but now I'm really ******** angry!

I thought Alex was being really evasive and acting kinda weird when I asked her what was wrong. She gave me this song and dance about how she thought we were all acting weird and that nothing was wrong. I asked if she was sure that there was nothing she wanted to talk about, and she told me that no, everything was fine and 'Thanks for caring'

Well, me being me, I took it at face value. I actually thought that my friend was being honest with me. Well it would appear that I was wrong.

She lied to me. She lied to me, to Mina and to Aeka. She made a deliberate deception. Instead of telling us that something was wrong, that something needed to be fixed, she lied. Instead of confronting the issue, she avoided it and lied to us.

Ok, scratch that, she lied to me. I really shouldn't be speaking on behalf of everyone. This is my personal opinion.

Anyways, anyone who knows me at all knows that telling me a lie is just about the best way to make me VERY angry. Especially when it's something as important as this. I mean, doesn't our friendship merit more effort that this?

At first I felt somewhat guilty for looking at her LiveJournal, but if that was the only way for me to be able to find out what was really going on... well, then there's a more serious problem.

She stated that she didn't think she was so transparent that Aeka, Mina and myself could see she was lying to us. 'Whatever, I told them nothing was wrong'

What the ********?! How could you possibly dismiss us like that?! Just brush off the fact that we were trying to help you, but you decided to lie to us instead? We're you're friends, showing you that we CARE about you and how you feel, and it turns out you're pulling s**t like this?! How can she possibly expect us to even start to solve issues with the sisterhood if she won't even tell us when somethings wrong?! BLOODY ******** HELL!!!

I actually feel like such an idiot right now. I can't believe that I trusted that what she was saying to me was the truth! I hate to sound cliche here, but it feels like she actually stabbed me in the back. I'm actually questioning every conversation we've ever had. Our entire relationship. I mean, how can I know when she was lying to me and when she was being genuine? I find myself going over every conversation in my head, trying to find a double meaning, something that she did or said that could possibly have meant she was lying to me or didn't mean what she said.

I mean yeah, everyone tells lies. It happens. What makes this exceptional, is that is was something THIS important. I mean, it's our friendship on the line here. Is she so desprate to avoid conflict that she would just throw away our entire friendship? When it comes down to issues like this, the worst possible thing you can do is lie about it. Does she not see that lying to avoid the initial conflict only makes it that much worse when we find out the truth?

Personally, I can't be around people I can't trust. It's just a way that I am. The ironic thing is that on Friday, Aeka, Mina, Lyrana and I were all having a discussion about how The Sisterhood was a safe place for us. Where we didn't have to worry about being something that we weren't, about trying to impress other people. We could just be who we were and everyone accepted it. And then s**t like this happens. It makes me ask: 'Was she acting the whole time with us? Was she ever being herself, or playing the part of someone that she thought we'd like? Was she just using her drama skills on us to try and make us believe her lies? How much of what she told us actually were lies?'

I really don't know what to do about this. I mean, I'm so ******** mad! I don't want to be a jerk, but I'm not just going to drop this either.

How dare she complain about how we're excluding her?! First of all, we did NOTHING to exclude her at all! We didn't say that if she wasn't going to get smashed (which NO ONE did) that she couldn't come! We didn't say or do anything at all that would even hint that we were going to pressure her into doing anything that she didn't want to do, and still, she has the nerve to say we were isolating her?! ******** no!!! If anyone is doing any isolating, she's isolating herself from us. SHE'S the one who decided that she didn't want to come!

She's also the one who decided not to call Lyrana. Lyrana ended up calling her to find out where she was. To her knowledge, Alex was still going. She was just worried that something was wrong because she hadn't shown up yet. It was, of course, 5 mins before stuff got started that she decided to inform us that she wasn't coming, which is a little inconsiderate to say the least. Lyrana of course wanted to know why not and Alex decides to hang up on her for being a b***h. What the ********?! She's concerned about you, having been given no indication otherwise, and suddenly she's a b***h for wanting to know why you weren't going to be there?! For worrying about you?!

I dunno if it's because she's just looking for an excuse to break off from us, or what the ******** is going on! I'd probably have to read about it from her LiveJournal though, because I sure as ******** wouldn't get a straight answer from her.

I actually can't ******** believe this!!! I mean, we're supposed to be a ******** SISTERHOOD for s**t's sake! If you're not going to be honest with us, who the ******** are you being honest with?! If I can't trust you, who can I trust?!

Gah!

Anyways, I've gotta go finish my homework. I'll finish ranting and give an update on the situation tomorrow.

Later ladies,
-Godi