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You know, until fairly recently I never thought much of the phrase "sick fury".

Lately, though, I know it pretty well.

It's this burning frustration and anger, and when I say "burning" I'm not kidding. It's like a fire in your belly that makes you want to retch. Several times I've had the flickering thought that if I actually vomited, all the anger and frustration would come flying out like green slime and eat its way through the concrete sidewalks.

And now, well...

It's not that big a deal. Basically, I made a paperwork mistake that may cost me about $900. I say it's not that big a deal because it doesn't threaten my ability to survive, my ability to take care of my needs. It is really frustrating, because I like to feel competent. And it makes it a little harder to feel secure in paying my bills. I know I have the money to do it, it's just annoying as hell.

And last night, I was so full of that sick fury that I went for a mile walk, came back still steaming, and took out my frustration on a wall. My hand still hurts. I may in fact have broken it again, because there is an odd lump along the fourth metacarpal - the same bone I broke the last time I hauled off and hit something as hard as I could. And picking anything up with that hand, or putting on a glove, or whatever, is intensely painful. I don't want to take more aspirin, though, because then I really will vomit.

Oh well. Last thing I need to do is go to the ER, though that's probably the only way I can get it checked out; but the radiology techs at the ER can't tell an arse from an elbow. I know from experience. I and two other members of my family have gone to the same ER with broken bones and been told there was nothing wrong. It's a good hospital, so I have no idea why the ******** their radiology techs suck so much.