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I have nothing to say, i am terribly bored. I have nothing to do, i tried to make my avi look cool, got bored, turned her into a zurg and then made her look all ******** up 3nodding
I guess i could take the time to say how much i love David. Its grown a lot in just a month, all these feelings for him. His birthday is coming up on January, the 15th....and as his present (i'm guessing) his mother is willing to take him to meet me either the weekend before or the weekend after his birthday 4laugh
Its so soon when i think about it! And i've already asked my momma, its ok with her! sweatdrop All thats left now is to tell my dad. But the more and more i think about how i am going to tell him about David, and the more i think about what i am goign to say to him....and how i am going to ask him if we can meet.....the more confident i am that he will be ok with it too.
We are going to go to the Seattle Science Center and do somethign there. Its going to be a family thing. =3 but i am so excited to think i have the chance to meet him!
It makes me feel so happy ^_^
sweatdrop Just gotta get past dad....David wants to talk to my dad before we meet....i think a phone convo is the closest he will get. ^_^; my dad can be a really really nice guy.....he can also be a total a**....X_x and i don't know how he is going to react to some guy he doesn't know going after his 16 year old daughter.
(from his point of things) I guess i have to try and tell my dad how much Dave means to me....
I've never had a boyfriend before...if things work out right..Dave will be my first.
But because of that....you know...after seeing some of my friends have a few boyfriends, and seeing all these...just weird people making out in the halls at school...i start to wonder whats wrong with me. You know? There is this b***h Crystal i think her name is....but she is a bitchy whore...shitty personality....and she has had all these guys. Me? I'm kind, pretty quiet around people i don't know....i know i have a great personality because i have some of the best friends i could ever ask for....but...still no boyfriend. And then i seriously start to beleive that there is something wrong with me.
I didn't change though, i never started wearing make up, or dressing preppy or revieling (save a tank top i guess lol at clevage :XP: what little i manage to have xd ) The only thing i did do was try and eat better to lose a little weight, but that was more for my own heath reasons. I beleived...even though i thought there was something wrong with me...that no matter what, i shouldn't have to change to attract someone. I don't want someone shallow loving me for looks, i want someone who can recognize whats on the inside. I think i have found that with David...finaly after waiting for so long.
I tried.....i ask people to go to homecoming with me and i got turned down twice...what little self confidence i had managed to keep and have up to that point would have been shattered if not for Kenny....He went and asked me if i would go with him to homecoming....-_-; more or less because he felt sorry for me. But all the same it left me with atleast some selfconfidence left.
I ....X_X i fell in love with Kenny. and i got to know him better....and i told him how i felt about him....but he told me that he had no intrest in me....making me think further that there was something wrong with me....
Now i am glad he didn't get with me or anything, because it would have ruimed a perfect friendship. But a relationship with him never would have worked....he is too distant both mentaly and physically.....it would have crashed and burned.
Then comes David.
I find out he lives in the same general area as me, 45 min to 2 hours depending on traffic. I'm shocked that he likes me, even more so after he shows me pictures and i tell him that i am no twig girl. Thinking, ok....if he is shallow he'll bail now and i won't be dissapointed later. But he doesn't, he says he doesn't care. That surprises me a little. I had been wondering if that had maybe been my problem....
So here is someone who thinks i am perfect...and that every flaw i have only makes me all the more perfect to him....Someone who likes me for who i am, heart body mind and soul. The only problem is he is Christian..and i have no religion. and that does bother him. Though not so much because the more i think about it, the more i realize i really wouldn't mind following religion with him. I think i would actually like it. It would give me....i don't know....direction in my life? I'm not sure what to call it, but i think it would be good for me.
David is in my life for some reason, whether to be my future husband and lover, or maybe just to bring religion into my life, i don't know what....but he is ment to be in my life. I am going to trust that, and see where it takes me.
I love him so much, he has already helped me help myself to see myself in the mirror as someone beautifull in my own way.
I'm still having a hard time accepting that there is nothing wrong with me...wich is probably why sometimes it still makes me want to cry.....and serisouly not much makes me cry.....unless i am PMSing. sweatdrop But...i don't know... i love him so much....and he says he loves me.
I think if/when ( gonk PLEASE DADDY SAY YES) i meet him, its going to be the start of something new and exciting in my life....something i have been patiently waiting for (X_X and recently trying for...though i only failed and damaged my ego) and i can't wait.....
...if my Dad does say no...then he is going to see his daughter VERY unhappy....and sweatdrop so maybe that might sway his decision to change to a yes.
But i am going to stay positive and beleive he will say yes. i have my mom's support...and his sister's. I know i could get Stacey to back me up. And....oh my heart is beating so hard. I want to tell my dad..... sweatdrop i just need to go home first so i can tell him..... gonk but i don't want to go home just yet.... gonk but i want to tell him asap so i can have an answer.
sweatdrop i'm going to quit my bitching. I'll think over what i am going to tell him more and either go home tomight or tomorrow. I'm done talking for now...because this is very long at this point....i guess this is what happens when i can't sleep properly and i have thoughts mulling though my head all night and i haven't written here in a while.
~Over and out~ *peace*
(o_O i guess i really did have something to say..... xd sorry about that. That was a lot of "nothing" to read...unless you are really interested in my life. lmao)
 HatsuharuRocks · Sat Dec 30, 2006 @ 06:18pm · 0 Comments |
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