The self poirtait on a canvas of words
Well, that's my attempt of being arsty fartsy out of the way xd
Right, this entry is just me trying to understand myself I suppose so in that way it will be a self portrait in words, Don't expect a well scripted essay cause that's not how I think or work.
I am always slightly insecure about myself and always wondering what others think of me. That's probibly why I am always so shy and introvert. I'm not that smart either. That's why I write in short sentances and my spelling is slightly off on every second word. I like to think I know what I am talking about but half the time I have no clue, which just adds to my insecurity. I try to hide it when I am with friends because I don't want to burden them with anything. I really hate having other people look after me because I know there is something else that that person could be doing right that moment.
In my eyes, I am seen as a good friend, to everyone. Many people like to think they recognise me even though I have never met them before, either that or I have forgotten which is more than likely in most cases. It just feels sometimes like I am this shade of grey and to everyone, something that they recognise and is familiar and yet there is no connection at all.
I haven't been in a long term relationship in my life. Probibly beacse of various things you are reading right now actually.
Once, there was one special someone who said that I had a big heart. I suppose in a way, I do. I share it with everyone I meet with a warm smile and me being happy. I am pretty caring too, I don't like it when people are sad around me and I try hard so that they aren't. Even if I have to be sad myself or make myself look like an idiot, I would. I enjoy just wrapimg my arms around someone and making them feel warm, wanted and cared about. Those are sme of my best memories I have ever had.
I have always been slighty above average in everything I do, again adding to this feeling of grey that I get. But grey seens to sum me up quite well.
There is 3 clear sides to me that I can think of, haha, the first Tri-polar!!
1.There is the "gloomy, sad, depressed emo side" most likely where I get most of the Balck and grey from.
2.The sunny, smiliing, warm and generally someone you would want to be around guy which is kind of a red/orange
3. The distant, blissful me who enjoys a bit of quite and sitting staring at the landscape or in the rain, and is more of a grey/blue the way that rain is.
I am never just 1 of them for long, normally I flow between them freely or am 2 at once. Don't think I've been all 3... hope not or they would have to send me to the funny farm, or at least a shrink.
I never sit normally, I am a little quirky(!!!extremely under-rated word!!!) in that sence. But it's just basically the way I think. Slightly out of logical/sane thought. Also could explain the randomness I constantly suffer from. I'm sure I'm diagnosed with it or at least should be but I doubt they'd send me to the funny farm on just that basis... though it would be interesting. My drawings kinda show my moods off. I could probibly go through every one that I have drawn and tell you which of the combination of 3 that I was in at the time of drawing. Most of my inspiration for them comes from memories or thoughts that I have of people and as such I want my drawings to be th best they can so I am constantly trying to improve my abilities in that sence and the only real way to do it is to practice what I think about.
During these "What character are you?" things, there is a common theme.
Gaara Of The Sand: Alone but doesn't always wants to be.
I did the same one when I was in a different mood and got
Uchiha Sasuke: Alone, vengeful, mysterious
Vivi: Alone, curious, nieve, looks after his friends etc.
so 3 saying I feel alone can't be wrong, can it?
