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08. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

We just watched well… As you can see plainly above you… I started working at Dominos on the 4th of November 05 of course…. Mom and dad haven’t written me back yet, and I think Gary just phoned me. I didn’t go to school Wednesday… I went to bed at ten yesterday…

I’m still on that movie high, you know? The entire Movie was about The TRI-Wizard Tournament, of course one could imagine that ‘TRI’ was meant as three wizards and you have to be at least 17 to enter it. The movie was mostly about the three tasks, and Moody (disguised as whets-his-face…. Pettigrew Jr. I believe but don’t keep my word for it) and of course Harry was entered. Ron was unbelievable jealous over the whole thing as usual. The first task with Dragons, which Harry barely scraped by, he flew around and eventually wore it out…. Before that however Malfoy was turned into a ferret. The dragon he won barely, then there were the mer-people, and then of course the maze. I forgot that the cup was merely a port-key… They ended the movie before they left Hogwarts…

They were quite deceiving about the relationships that were to come though. I would date Neville if he were real though, of course I also know of his future acts of bravery and courage that he takes part in later. They didn’t really go into a whole lot at all… It was just the wizard cup, and they didn’t really explain a whole lot of anything else.

I was really surprised when Ron and Herminie got together, even though it was really obvious but they made it look like it had shifted to Harry and here mine. I wish they would have gotten together though instead of Harry and Ginny but maybe I’m weird like that. This week is only a 3-day weekend! Woot!

Ps. it’s pretty sad when the computer knows how to spell Harry Potter character’s names better than you can however true that may be computers are not infallible…

Um… also… I… had imagined what death would feel like again. There must be something wrong with me. I don’t know why but I am also torn apart…. Well I can see why, but… I didn’t think our departure would rip a hole in my hair so deeply it would make me wish to “ Slip into darkness, and never be released from its cold, comforting grip..”

I just wish somehow in the back of my mind that… maybe if I were born as a guy, that I could have Niota in my life more so than as a friend. Not in that way… But of course I would loose my brains and possibly even my sensitivity….

And now it makes me terribly sad when ever people talk about their parents …. Or just parents in general. I want to scream at Kovac every time he talks about how when you move away from your parents you learn how much you love them. I just want to scream how much he’s wrong… No one seems to understand what I’ve gone through…. And sadly no one ever will. I just wish I could bare my soul for even one shining moment and make people see through my eyes and maybe they could understand just a little more about me and maybe their own lives. However I will probably never be in the position to influence that many people. I just wish my voice could be heard. I wish I could see Robert again, I wish my mom would speak to me and that her heart wouldn’t hurt so much… I wish that Travis would talk to me again, even if it’s about nothing. I wish that I would stop being afraid, I wish that I didn’t care about being 1st flute or anything…. No one ever tries to get close anymore, and no one cares. Everything’s becoming about individualism… I guess that’s just how America is, no? And sometimes I don’t know where I’m going in life. One moment I’m carefree and nothing in the world can bother me, and there are moments where I wish I could die just so I couldn’t feel pain anymore or that I could sleep forever just to be with my brother.

When will the sorrow and suffering cease to bend my will with such ease?