This one shouldn't be so long, but if it is... please excuse me.. I am a little long windded!
My back hurts...alot.. I am a vile vestual of decet! I have cheated I have lied.. and I have stolen hearts.
I may love my long time friend, one time screw. I doubt it.. but I feel very strongly for him.. and it scares me... He was one of the best I ever had.. and I wish I could have him again. I screwed up... but I remain content with Chris.. I mean.. I didn;t cheat on him or anything.. I just feel really really confused.
The wierd thing about these journals is that I have read other peoples on here and they just say little one line to four line things, were as I use lots of space for mine.. I wonder if thats normal?
I think SO lowly of myself... yet now that I am with someone that I plan on being with for like.. the rest of my life...people are popping up all over the place confessing love that has been hidden for so long. Some of these people I have wanted myself but was to shy to say anything... I fear rejection just like anyone else.. but I also fear obliviusness. GOD! I wish I was told earlier!.. now I have all of this false confidence.. and it feels funny to think that I thought so highly of myself at one point.. to think that noone had the nerve to lie to me.. I made it a point to be one of the most feared people were I was.. and now.. I feel like the biggest fool there ever was!
I should ignore that all now.. I mean.. this is my new life.. I should live on in the future not the past..Things have gotten better.. so I should embrace that fact.. not hide it!
well.. atleast this one was shorter than my first one.. I'm done for now..
 Gothic Alice · Wed Dec 29, 2004 @ 09:08am · 0 Comments |
