Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Click And Listen?

4/12
You should've just let me loved you when I was still happy and in the moment. Why are you pushing me away again. I cant let the feelings go.

I doubted falling back in love with you because I'm impatient waiting, but I was thinking we can still fix it. And I made the feelings come back... God was I so ******** stupid. I should've trusted it, now my doubts are laughing at me and telling me, "I told you so." Never again....

How could you compare me to other boys, to loving something and just throwing it away? Everytime I reminded you about us and you just forgot about them. Maybe that's why you forgot about how generous my love was.. Remember that you left for someone who lasted you a week and you came back to my open arms again. You made such a fool out of me. I can't promise you a happy ending but I can promise you forever. My love won't die that easily. It once lasted 3 years and I was heart broken the whole time. Haven't we already came to the part where my love wasn't a lie? Now there wont even be a third chance because the second didn't happen. I can never throw the person I love away... But I can throw the feelings away so easily because of what my past has now taught me. I'm learning to let go again.

How could you get mad and upset at me for something you wanted... I changed my mind quickly because I also wanted it too. You poured your heart out and I can't get the right to feel crazy when im around you? You're so unfair. You meant SO much to me.

If I'm going to fall in love again, I'm going to kill myself because I have already killed my feelings tonight.

Sometimes... I want to die so badly, just to forget the pain.

I'm upset... That you don't understand. How could you just sleep in the middle of a deep conversation. I spent the last 10min calming myself from being an emotional wreck.

After tonight.... I can only see and treat you like a friend. Tonight was a final call and I don't want to get too attached anymore cause I'll go crazy.

But thank you for making me feel like an important human again. Whatever happens now, I can't guarantee anything.

Its happened too many times when I'm with someone. I seriously... can't anymore 😞. I can only let the anxiety overcome me until I can entirely remove you.



please stop hurting me.



" I should've let go of you yesterday. But today, I am apologizing to tomorrow just in case it becomes another yesterday that sings the same tune as the others. " - L. Figaro

==========================================================================
4/13
Sorry if I was too harsh on writing that. I was torn yesterday.

Hhhhhh idk how we could act like yesterday never happened.. It's starting to feel like when we broke up. You hide your feelings well.. I'm still deciding if I want to text you how I felt, but I'll end up not to. It's killing me little by little but I refuse to show weakness again. I want to hold your hands, my heart says yes but I'm saying no. You get tired and sleep during the moments when I need you. I said, no more feelings but I think of when you were kissing me. I really wanted you to stay up to talk to me about this but I would rather let you sleep instead. The words that I was saving to say when it's time was how and why I fell in love with you if we got together again. On Wednesday, I caught myself thinking about you continuously. Just looking back at our texts, I forgot about being in the moment with you. Take it easy on trying to let me go tho. I wish this night would end

Even if my broken heart has been healed, I'm still too broken to move forward.
Sorry for being who I am now towards you. So emotionless, Soo heartless....

==========================================================================
4/14
Today was a bit better. I liked the conversation we had. But I still wished you talk more with me. And when I woke up today, you were all I thought about. I really wanted you. Maybe we still have some unfinished business that we needed to solve.

You really don't make things easy. So WHEN will we get together? If it's "too" soon. Because I'm really really tired of waiting. Please open up to me...

==========================================================================
4/15
******** it, I'm going all in.
I'm such a horrible person and I've been hiding myself from you. But today you'll see why.