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1/8/17

i'd always thought that one day, someone like her would set me free, that at least someone special to me would see things from my p.o.v. and acknowledge the things i do,

but im a bad guy... she doesnt see any good in me, we always misunderstood here and there, but if i treat you any wrong, it's okay because there'll be someone to wipe away your tears, i know time wont wait and maybe i'll end up by myself, i wont say a word if you find someone else but if you do go, dont think of me because i wasnt the one you truly fell for and i dont deserve to have a heart that wasnt even mine in the first place,

so when you love, love just him and only him who will give you time as much as you had given me...

im never myself around new faces because ive changed emotionally and mentally, you just met me at an interesting time, i wasnt sure about myself.. because i'll never know that you'll have those feelings towards me because you arent that straight forward.. that's why you hear and see these things that you do about me, i'd wished we had met sooner so then you wouldnt see me in the aftermath, i also wish that i could felt the way i did when we first met but i dont feel that way anymore because i have no one to show me trust, with you i always try my best but it's no use in your eyes because im a bad, bad liar...

but i would cut it out for good if i really could,

i wish i could tell you all about me and everything, but im scared of speaking so freely, because i once hurt someone that i wholeheartedly gave my heart out to, i was never great at this dating game nor goodbyes; when temper rises im always to blame and it gets harder after each forgiveness but im always willing to take it, throughout all these years up until now i thought i was finally ready but it just happens all the time and i just hate how it takes a big piece of my shattered dreams

now i have my guards and i know you have yours too,

you were always great to me, you had no problem of telling me what i did wrong, you like to play even but i just wanted you to understand and sometimes i think that you forget of what im going through

as you once said... that i was immature, and i have those fvckboy like acts, anything i do and say always leave you a scar and make you not want to believe me but you only focused on my wrongs, i'll take the full blame because trying to prove myself is much more of a lie than what you would want to hear instead

but i guess we both lose, im just only worse each time you see me because im lost

i know it's a huge waste of time to continue throwing my love away but i just wanted SOMEONE to know that not all guys are that bad, you just met me so suddenly but im gonna need your trust again

im not a bad guy... i just learned love from someone who had never felt it before and i honestly wouldnt mind showing everything if you allowed to give me your time and patience because im not fully there yet