Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

there's 2 meanings to these rings on my fingers. i mean, not actually "meanings", but like, i dunno how to- er what to call them. so i'll just explain.
i figured it all out at the beach when we went camping! i had to take off the rings because i'm so afraid of losing them. Losing the rings is like losing Him. I have 4 rings, 4 chances. He's bought me 2 more, which gives me 6 more rings, 6 more chances to lose him. It makes me sad to think that way. I'm only giving Him one chance. He's only got 1 ring from me. 1 wrong move and it's gone, and so am I. But I don't like the thought of it that way~ Still, it makes sense to me. One of the rings He's given me is falling apart. that's not such a good sign to me. I mean, it's only a tiny part of the detail that's fallen off, but still.. :T grr. I shouldn't worry. He says almost all the girl's in His class are lesbians, but that's only most of them, not all. whyyyyy do I always give myself a reason to worry? nyahhhhhh most likely because I just love Him so much. akljfweijfowaiejf

I woke up at 4 in the morning. I always do, because I look so forward to His message. I stayed up until 6, and I sat up, hugging a pillow. i imagined that i was holding Him in my arms again. I squeezed the pillow tighter, and tighter still. I began to tear up. pillow's are lame. they can't hug you back. they can't replace Him. No one can~

inserts:::
i have limits to what i can do with these rings on. i can't play in the beach waters without them slipping off, without forgetting Him. i can't risk getting them dirty, i can't just go on a roller coaster without holding on to them.
i can't leave Him, i can't doubt, i can't worry, i can't cheat. i can't forget. and i won't.
and i have to keep my promises.