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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wii-psngYQw
Opus 37 Like Crazy (Music from the Motion Picture)
I'm trying to decide now if this major is really suited for me now.
Is this really what I want to do with the rest of my life? I'm depressed over this question still. Everyone already knows what they're doing, and I'm here saying that I want to work in video games. Which I really do. But will that get me money? Will that get me anywhere at all?
I'm looking at what I like to do and what makes me happy.
Video games, not school, no work, animals, taking care of animals, shopping, fashion, buying things, being a barista, being with friends, drawing, anime, vlogging, youtube.

Honestly, I'm beginning to really consider that computer science isn't for me.
I've reduced myself from a full-time student, part-time worker, to part-time student, part-time worker. I really enjoy drawing, and I"m beginning to think that animation is the way to go, but will that make me money? Will that get me a job?
and I'm considering to double major, but is that even possible at UWM, the school I hate so much compared to Marquette, where everything was so perfect for me?

I feel like whoever is reading this will feel that I should go for animation since that is my passion, but I feel like i'm so good at convincing people to believe my choices are right, that I don't really consider anyone's opinions to be true.

But hear me out:
Animation: I don't know anything about it, the industry, the pay, or whatever. I know that I enjoy drawing, and anime so much, and I don't think I'll need calculus or any kind of stupid science to complete the major. But then again, i feel like If I do change my major to animation, I'd feel like it was an excuse to escape from taking those classes I know I can't do well in, only because I don't have the attention span, and I am too embarrassed to get help, and feel stupid that I am getting help, or the tutor making me feel so stupid, or spend money on a tutor.
I honestly don't think I'll be able to minor, in animation, much less be able to handle it. I definitely won't be able to double major in both fields because of money, and stress, mostly. If I can't even handle being a full-time student with one major, focusing on 3-4 classes, how would i possible do with another major?
Computer science:
I'm failing the class, and I don't understand; I'm just wasting money and time. Calculus and physics are no longer my strong suits. Maybe I'm just being negative about it, but people really have to consider the fact that I have that year gap from when I was continuously in school, the dominoes hitting each other; One year's teachings based on the last, and so forth. I don't remember anything. I'm terrified.

I feel it's also another thing with the school: I found that I really hate this school because I really liked marquette in the first place. I wish I could go back, but they don't offer the things I want. UWM is a general public school in which basically almost anyone and everyone can get in. No challenges, no pride in that. Marquette made me feel special, elite. Now I'm failing, failing a public school, the teachers aren't even professors, much less professional. I hate it.
I wish I could be more positive about this, but I'm not. I'm looking at the big picture, and I just want to scribble all over it.

If I major in animation, I won't be able to be proud of myself. I feel like Riley's family won't be very impressed with me, and my parents won't be proud of me. I feel like I would let everyone down, unless I can nail a really good job.
I'm wasting a lot of time, and a lot of money.
I'm already 20 years old and I have no idea what I want. I've wasted money at marquette, believing I loved engineering, and I've wasted money and time over the past year figuring out why I want to be in computer science.
I know computer science can get me a good job, but is that what I really want to do?
I don't have anyone I can really talk to about this in real life. I have to keep to myself, and I didn't even realize all of these things going through my head because I forget about them right away, but my brain keeps all the stress stored, and it's like a giant dam of stress about to break.
I can't talk to Riley because he always says what I want to hear, or else I will be angry. He's also a man, who doesn't enjoy talk and feelings and thoughts, so it'll be like talking to a wall, unless I can get my point across.
I could talk to CJ, but I feel like she'll encourage whatever I do.
And my advisor is like a mom, and she'll probably sigh, and be like a robot and tell me what she tells everyone else. I want exact answers, and I want them now.
I don't even know what I'm talking about.
i feel delusional
idk what that really means.
I don't want to go to school anymore.
I'm sort of facing the fact that I just might be a barista for the rest of my life.
I mean, Tierra (the food and services manager at the Hilton) was studying nursing, became the manager of starbucks, and then got the position she has now, because she says she found she really likes working in hospitality. so I guess life is really unpredictable.


I can hear Riley right now, just agreeing with what I'm saying.
I guess it's just all in my head, and maybe I'm considering too much of what people will think of me. I just keep looking at the fact that I've fallen so far, and feel and look like a failure going from engineering, to computer science, and maybe to animation.
I feel like I've talked myself into it. Not having to stress about math and science sounds great. Then I won't skip class just because I don't think i'll pass.