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have u ever felt that the people that know you, truly don't know you. that you feel lost in a crowd and invisible to everyone. are you one of those people that can tell how your friend is feeling through writing even when they don't add any emotion and sound like everything's fine. but they can't tell the same thing for you. have you practiced shielding your self form the world you no longer know who you are. that you have many faces and as you peal one off you know there are still so many layers left before you find your self as you truly are with nothing standing between you and the "real world". can you feel the dried tears left on your cheeks when no one else can. do you feel like screaming at the top of your lungs but know that you never will, that you will stay hidden and silent. do you prefer the dark and feel like that is where you would best fit in, do you thrive in the darkness and feel comforted by it. this can get to be a very lonely world so sometimes you make up a different one, this one holds everything that you want to be and how you wish this world would be. this world is not always candy bars and gum drops fore some it never was and feels as if it never will be and this maybe true or it may not i can not predict the future and i don't think i would want to for i know not of what i may see it might be good but then it could also be bad there is no telling and the future is constantly changing so i would not want to get excited for a chance that it might be good that i might feel hope again, or even if i might feel loved by someone other than family or friends. for the chance that i might meet my soul-mate and them it changes why would i want to know that i had or would of had my soul-mate then missed my chance and lost it, or everything all hope would come crashing down and all of this would happen simply because i hoped for something like love all because i saw that i would find it only to lose it in the end. that old saying "better to have loved and lost than to have never to have loved at all" i disagree with its better if you don't know what you are missing than to have your heart ripped out and smashed in to a million pieces, shattered before your very eyes. to feel the world come crashing down around you and you not be able to do anything to stop it. if i need help but i feel or know that one of my friends need to talk or are having trouble or need help themselves then i will help them and let my self fall to pick up the pieces and rebuild over and over gets tiring and one day i may simply leave it on the ground how it is shattered, broken, and never to be put together. that day may come sooner to me than i was hoping i have lived from world to world, from dream to dream, i no longer know how to communicate with people i have lost myself and don't really wish to find it perhaps it is better this way its what im use to its normal for me to lost that would be to loose everything i know so i hold on to it with all my might yet slowly i feel it slipping away piece by piece it slips from my grasp and to a place where i can never travel were i shall never see it again. and this is what scares me not death, not the dark, not simply mysteries that my frighten some but loosing myself and feeling it being lost and not being able to do any thing to stop it, it actually hurts as you disappear as you are left with only a shell of which your spirit has left. it hurts in the heart to see and feel everything slips away and never truly returns how can it its lost. but the real trick is to not let anyone know.
so what did you think of this one, its weird hu? too um depressing? does it make you think? cause that was its job so if it did that then well i guess it did its job. but don't dwell on it too long i don't wish to depress anyone simply to make you think of what others might be going through before you go and say something you might hate to be the last thing that person thinks, reads, or hears.