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My deadlines are getting the best of me right now. Luckily, my break started a week ago. So I was able to catch up on some work. I have a few projects due right now, and I need to turn in my manuscript by the end of the month. So I really need to haul a**.

Not to mention, there were plently of deaths in my family this month. Youngest was a three-year old with leukemia. I went to the funeral and wrote a poem for him, but I was cut due to the fact that I needed to attend the meeting of a lifetime. And the next paragraph will explain why.

Now, I'm the legal guardian of my best friend, Syd. He's my life right now. But it's sorta odd when we're only six years apart. He's a great kid. He never lies to me, he's not self-centered, he's very considerate of others, he notices his faults and tries his best to fix them, and pays pretty good attention to things, despite the fact that he has ADD. He's the child I would never be able to have.

I'm moving out of Texas soon. Probably back to Kyoto or Portland. But I'm thinking about dropping college for a year. I need to work badly. Luckily, I found myself somesort of job as a translator. The pay's pretty good, but it takes me away from my side projects which are so important to me.

I'm worried about my health as well. I haven't been sleeping or eating well. Even the two most important boys in my life, my "son" Syd and my boyfriend Devon, notice it. I'm not even a snack. I'm just seriously stressed out about school, deadlines, work, bills, deaths in my family, band, and Syd. I need a break from everything. Even from the computer, which is amazingly rare.

I'm also getting aches from all over my body and I've lost all desire to do stuff (sexual, eating, sleeping, exercise, sleep, study, play, etc.). I feel old. Really, really old. I'm pretty dissappointed in myself. My boyfriend's telling me that it may just be my severe depression, but I don't know anymore.

I'm also pretty pissed off at kids. They try to act like their life sucks when they're just attention whores. I also seriously hate it when they act like they've meet the person they want to be with for the rest of their lives. They're all lovey-dovey and always exchange "I love you's". They're stubborn, arrogant, little twats who don't know s**t about love. 'Cept Syd. He's careful about his vocabulary.

I'm not sure if I'd make a good role model or a mother, but hey; I'm doin' it. Wish me luck. I've only took Syd in for about a week now, and It's been the time of my life, though there are some faults. Man, he's a bottomless pit... *sigh*