Two guys sat at a school lunch table in the cafeteria of their high school. Both glum looking people tired of life and of everything else it seems. One of them sighs. The other looks at him and then looks away. Then he sighs again. So the other says, “What is it?”
“Life sucks,” the one who sighed responded.
“I know right,” the other said.
“I was just playing Halo 3 online last night and every match I had to go against a hacker. I was so pissed off! I couldn’t move at all! I'd just re-spawn and get killed instantly.”
“That can get annoying man.”
“Yeah, and there was just a little kid laughing on his mic the whole time. Happy that his dad helps him cheat and hacks his 360.”
“It was probably because the kid sucked so much at life.”
“Heh. Yeah. Noobs.”
“Yeah...”
“So...”
“...”
Then the two guys had a sort of awkward silence. The type of silence two people get when they don't know each other but sat next to each other anyways and then something unrelated to them happens that makes them both laugh so they accidentally make eye contact and then they have look away sighing off their laughter awkwardly. Yeah, like that.
“It seems like you can’t rely on people anymore,” the one who talked first last time said.
“I guess.”
“I mean like, I just know that if people had the choice to do something bad with no consequences, they would do it.”
“Well, why not? If there aren’t any consequences?”
“Are you like that too? It is all a matter of morals. I don’t care what I get out of it, I just always want to help people.”
“Sure...”
“You don’t believe me Tom?”
“Hey, hey. You don’t have to go throwing names around.”
“That is your name. Dumbass.”
“Shut up, shithead.”
“Hey! My name is Cee-thed! Not shithead!”
“You wanna start something?”
“I dunno. Do you?”
Bzzz!
“You’re lucky the bell rang,” Tom threatened.
“No, you’re lucky. Real lucky,” Cee-thed retaliated beautifully.
The next day.
“So how’s life?” Tom asked.
“Terrible,” Cee-thed responded.
“What’s up?”
“Well today I was hit by a bus.”
“What?!”
“Well, almost.”
“Shut up then. Why do I even talk to you?”
“Hey, don’t ask that! We’ve been friends since forever. Don’t you EVER ask that.”
“Dude, why are you getting all gay on me now?”
“Gay? That’s low man.”
“How’s that low?”
“Because, you know I’m not gay.”
“Well, I’ve never seen you with any girls before.”
“I’ve never seen you with any girls either!”
“That’s because you’re always around me.”
“Ohh. You jerk.”
“Don’t you call me no jerk.”
“You wanna start something outta this?”
“Na-nah. I’m cool.”
BAMM! Tom punched Cee-thed.
“Aw, you b***h!”
“What are you gonna do?”
“Just give me a second. Wheeze! I’ll beat you good!”
“Whatever,” Tom said and started walking away.
“Tom, come back here.”
“******** off.”
“...Tom.”
The next day...
“Hi, Tom. Whose this?”
“Argh, why do you keep coming back to me? This is my girlfriend, Suzzeria.”
“Hi,” she said.
Cee-thed gave her the evil eye.
"Cee-thed, what is your problem?" Tom demanded.
“Tom, come over here for a little bit,” Cee-thed replied.
“No. Hey, hey- let go of me!”
Cee-thed took Tom and left Suzzeria by herself.
“What are you doing?” Tom asked.
“Why is she with you, Tom?”
“You said you never saw me with a girl before. Now look at the evidence. Girl. Right there. Now if you’ll excuse me-”
“What about us, Tom?”
“What the ********? What about us?”
“Don’t you know that having a girlfriend would separate us?”
“Why do you keep saying ‘us’?!? It sounds so gay! And I would want nothing more than to be separated from you.”
“Why are you always so mean? Sniff.”
“******** off.”
“Okay, bye. I love you, Tom.”
“What the-wha?? I don’t even know what to say to that. Leave me alone!”
“What was that about?” Suzzeria asked Tom when he got back.
“I don’t even know,” Tom said. “That guy is kinda screwed up.”
“He looked really sad when you left him.”
“Well who cares?”
“Tom!”
“I mean, he’s been annoying me since our friendship started and I thought now would be a good a time as any to end it.”
“Is that right?”
“Okay, that seems harsh. But you don’t know the whole story.”
“Just try to give him another chance, will you?”
“Sigh. Okay, I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
The next day.
“Hi shithead,” Suzzeria said.
“It’s Cee-thed!” Cee-thed shouted.
“Uh, isn’t that what I said? Never-mind. Did Tom speak to you today?”
“No he hasn’t. And what do you care? You took him away from me. I hate you.”
“Hey. Calm down, Cee-thed. I don’t want to come in between you two’s friendship.”
“Well, that’s what you’re doing.”
“I’m sorry. I told him to come talk to you.”
“Well, if he has. I was avoiding him. I hate him now too.”
“Cee-thed. Hate is so strong. Don’t say that you hate him. Please.”
“Okay.”
“Let him talk to you. Get to some common grounds. I don’t want to be the cause of two good friends breaking apart.”
“That’s why he’s going out with you.”
“What?”
“He told me that he was going out with you because I said that I never seen him with a girl before so he just decided to go out with someone and that someone ended up being you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. So don’t think you’re special.”
“Special?” Suzzeria asked and then muttered to herself. “Is he really gay?”
“What?”
“Nothing! I’ve got to go talk to Tom then.”
Moments later.
“Hey sexy,” Tom said to Suzzeria.
Slap!
“What the ******** was that for?” Tom said, messaging his cheek.
“A little shithead told me why you decided to go out with me.”
“Hey, don’t talk down about Cee-thed like that.”
“I thought I said... Never-mind! He said you decided to go out with me just so that you can prove that you can get girls. Is that true?”
"That isn't true.”
“Then what isn’t true about it?”
“I’ve always liked you, it just took Cee-thed to remind me that I haven’t gone out with anyone in a while.”
“What’s my last name?”
“It’s um, er.. uh.”
“Umeruh?”
“Yeah, Umeruh!”
“You got lucky.”
“Suzzeria Umeruh. That’s ugly.”
“Tom, I’m breaking up with you.”
“What? Why?”
“You are just using me to get Cee-thed out of your life.”
“So what if I am?”
“I like Cee-thed. He seems like a nice person. Be friends with him again. You not being his friend is tearing him apart.”
“...I’ll think about it.”
“Good-bye Tom.”
Right after Suzzeria passes Cee-thed in the hallway.
“Hi, Cee-thed,” she says.
“Hi.”
“Hey, aren’t you going to talk to me? Stop for a bit.”
“Awh, I was kinda in a hurry.”
“What for? Hey! What's that in your jacket? Are you holding a gun?”
“It’s not that big a deal. It’s just a small, little gun.”
“What were you going to do with that? Shoot Tom?”
“Noo, no. I was just going to show it to him.”
“Really? That’s what you were going to do?”
“Okay, you got me. I was going to shoot Tom. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?”
“I know exactly how ridiculous that sounds, and that’s why I want to make sure that’s not what you’re doing.”
“Sigh. What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to say you aren’t going to shoot Tom.”
“I will not shoot Tom,” Cee-thed said and then under his breath. “Twice.”
“Cee-thed! I heard that!”
“Heard what?”
“You said you won’t shoot him twice! Give me your gun!”
“Aww, it’s my favorite one.”
“What?? Never-mind that for now, GIVE ME YOUR GUN!”
“Fine. You don’t have to be so loud about it.”
“Now go talk to Tom.”
“Fine! Stupid lady.”
A little later...
“Hey Tom,” Cee-thed said.
“Hey Cee-thed,” Tom said.
“Wanna be friends again?”
“Sigh. I guess.”
“... So what’s new?”
“Well, I got a Macbook Air.”
“Ohh, how’s that going?”
“Good. Good.”
“That’s good.”
“********! I can’t stand it anymore! Do you even have any thoughts in your head?!”
“Why are you yelling?”
“It seems like you are the same person I met in the sixth grade, in English class. I only became friends with you because I pitied you.”
“That’s mean Tom.”
“I’m telling you the truth, I pitied you. And now that pity has just turned into something worse. I don’t even know. ... I loathe you.”
“GASP!”
“Stop crying. God, you are so sensitive. This is why I never try to stop being your friend. You always cry like a little girl.”
“Shut up.”
“Oh, are you trying to finally ******** stick up for yourself? Why don’t you try finding some new friends instead of hanging out with me for all your ******** life?”
“Maybe I will. I’m leaving now, you t**t.”
“Then leave,” Tom put his head down and looked at his feet.
Cee-thed began walking away and then stopped. “Hey, is Suzzeria’s last name really Umeruh?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, bye dumbass!”
“Bye shithead.”
Cee-thed met back up with Suzzeria a little later.
“Hi, Suzzeria,” Cee-thed said.
“Hi, Cee-thed,” she said back.
“We stopped being friends.”
“What? I wanted yall to be friends again.”
“Yeah, but that didn’t work out.”
“Oh..”
“Hey, is your last name really Umeruh?”
“Yeah.”
“Hey that’s ugly!”
“I know. I’ma go back out with Tom for his last name.”
“Oh yeah, Tom Kickass. That's soo cool."
“Yeah. It really is.”
“Okay, I’ll be seeing you around I guess.”
“Yeah, okay. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Cee-thed went home that day and slept for a week crying. He got on Myspace when he calmed down and found out that Suzzeria and Tom broke up again and decided to come back to school. He saw that Tom was at the table in the cafeteria. He walked over and sat down. Tom sighed.
“What is it?” Cee-thed asked.
“Life sucks.” Tom said.
“I know right.”
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