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I'm an idiot... Maybe he was right... Maybe I am just a ******** whore...
I mean... I may hug other guys...Talk to them... Hang out with them. That's not being a whore right...? I try not to act cute or pretty... Or whatever you'd call it... I want someone to love me for what's inside. I don't want someone who will use me as a toy.
******** me just for fun... I want someone to love me and that's all... Maybe it is too much to ask for. Love is complicated right? Or is it just the most simple thing in the world. I feel like I wish that I had never met him. Never said yes to dating him... Never said yes to anything we did... But I did... Because I love him. Because I ******** love him! That's the reason when he called me a whore...When he had said we weren't together...I snapped. I just ******** snapped... Like I'd been ripped open... Like I'd been betrayed in the most horrible way... Like my heart had been smashed... I tried to keep my heart at bay with all my emotions...After the first time I remember how long it took to repair it. To stop falling head over heels for him every time I looked at him. I feel like an idiot for just getting wrapped up and letting him steal my heart again. But I think I wanted him to take my heart again... I felt like my heart had been fully mended. Maybe I'm just missing him. That's why there is a big hole in my heart. Right where he's supposed to fit in. I want it to work out... I want him to keep my heart. He earned it. It's his... I don't need it. There's no one else I want to give it to. I feel like picking up the gun inf ront of me now, Ending it... I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I want to say goodbye... Maybe I'll wait one more day.
I've always waited... What's another day going to matter. I'll wait though. Forever. Like I promised...
I'm such an idiot...