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New Hell Tears welling up, ready to cry. An emotional mess. She walks through the woods. Blind to her reasons, She stumbles on. A bright light ahead, Curiosity overwhelms. Into the light she steps. Never did she think she'd find, A world far beyond her wildest dreams. A land of great wonder. Or so she thought... Fire bursts into the air, The earth breaks And the sky turns black Demons and monsters As far as the eye could see. Hypnotic creatures calling her forth. Telling her of evil deeds That no mortal man could ever imagine Done to another foe. The darkness flows from the trees Encircling her heart As she turns her back to leave From whence she came The path she just walked Is now a great blaze No longer is she in a land Of hopes and wonders, But in a new Hell © ((feedbacks please)) I have created the closest I will ever get for making an Avi of Arcadis: [img:6d9b0ab788]http://imagizer.imageshack.com/img537/7164/kpsANk.png[/img:6d9b0ab788] It's a bit expensive so donations are greatly appreciated smile

Posted by: Draconis Alduari Fri Jun 19, 2009 @ 08:35pm

I have created the closest I will ever get for making an Avi of Arcadis:

[img:6d9b0ab788]http://imagizer.imageshack.com/img537/7164/kpsANk.png[/img:6d9b0ab788]

It's a bit expensive so donations are greatly appreciated smile

User Comments: [14] [add]

hellpuppy
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Commented on: Fri Jun 19, 2009 @ 10:27pm


	heart It's very good heart

Commented on: Fri Jun 19, 2009 @ 10:33pm


	thank you very much

Draconis Alduari
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MindLoveMaking
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Commented on: Fri Jun 19, 2009 @ 10:41pm


	its very dark and deep. but all around good. every persons suffering is painted on there. 3nodding

Commented on: Fri Jun 19, 2009 @ 10:46pm


	I like the imagery, though it's oddly stanza'd and bit raced, but definitly a good poem. ^-^ wink Madness_Delivers Ddelivering your daily dose of Madness

Madness Delivers
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Lieutenant Jet
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Commented on: Fri Jun 19, 2009 @ 11:02pm


	Nice. I like it.

Commented on: Fri Jun 19, 2009 @ 11:14pm


	thank you all

Draconis Alduari
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karen yoko-love
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Commented on: Fri Jun 19, 2009 @ 11:17pm


	thatz really REALLy good............and dark......i luvz it mrgreen

Commented on: Sat Jun 20, 2009 @ 05:49pm


	A couple parts are a tad cliche, but it's not beyond repair. Instead of "A land of great wonder." you could try "Magnificence covered the land; or so she thought." That's just an example though. If you see something and you personally think it's cliche, you can just try and think of a new way to describe what you're saying. Also, the stanza that ends with "Hypnotic creatures calling her forth." and the one that opens right after that "She turns back to leave" don't quite make sense. The reader might ask like I am "How can she turn back to leave if she's being hypnotized?" even if her path is now gone, it still poses the question. Try committing to what you said with the hypnotic creatures, or change the part about them being hypnotic. I think that this could be really, really good, if you just changed the parts that sound cliche, and if you added a bit more description about the place she walked too.

Mr. Awesome!
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Draconis Alduari
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Commented on: Sat Jun 20, 2009 @ 05:53pm


	i like what you say..... i was also thinking about that hypnotic creatures part, but i was running out of ideas..... if i can think of something, i will change it.... thanks, i will work on it.

Commented on: Mon Jun 22, 2009 @ 02:07am


	Good job, darling. ^^ I like it.

shadow_demon_Kyo
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INFEMMEOUS
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Commented on: Fri Aug 07, 2009 @ 05:37am


	very beautiful. =) very deep and just plain gorgeous =) its as good as my starbucks cookie song. xDDD

Commented on: Wed Aug 19, 2009 @ 03:15pm


	ok iv got an idea for the hyponotic creatures part instead of turning back to leave...put in : she tries to fight the forces in her mind trying to leave it all behind..something like thtr....>:3 im sooo clever >:3

salvadorkali
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cheerleading_captin
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Commented on: Sun Oct 18, 2009 @ 10:07pm


	its awesome i love it don't click this link...

Commented on: Sat Dec 05, 2009 @ 04:44pm


	thats wonderful shadow and thats wat hell is like

elekinz10
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User Comments: [14] [add]

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