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I’m sitting alone in the dark,
Unable to sleep,
Unable to banish
These thoughts from my mind.

The room is illuminated
By the light of my phone
As I look back at the texts
That triggered my destruction.

In my head, my phone is still buzzing angrily;
Not the usual soft notice,
But vibrating strongly enough to activate
A bomb in my heart.

You told me things that I can’t handle,
Abandoned me when I needed you,
Broken my heart when you finally held…
My trust… as full as an inflated balloon.

I’m drowning in emotion;
You’ve put me in ultimate depression,
But there are gifts from my family
That I’m excited about.

I’m happy and sad all at once,
Opposites stuck in a blender**.
The result is bitter-tasting guilt,
Sickening me and worsening my depression.

My remaining friends try
To comfort me,
Telling me that their lives are worse.
They’ve fought with me while we’re at rock-bottom.

I’ve lost you,
And because of this
I’ve lost others.
No one will ever understand.

Because of you I’ve realized…
Friends are often a tool of the devil.
What’s the point in making friends
If they’ll only add to the pain?

The enemy watches closely
As my dreams are crushed yet again…
By my own actions…
And by my poor choice in friends.

I no longer wish to live…
But suicide is the same as murder.
I wouldn’t strike at the hearts
Of those you still care.

Even so, I’m falling apart.
There’s nothing anyone can do anymore.
You can’t stop it,
’Cause my self-destruction is all your fault!

My life lies in pieces,
And there’s nothing anyone can do.
It’s too late.
My trust and hope are gone.

You’re everywhere I go;
I carry you in my thoughts.
You haunt my dreams,
Yet avoid me in reality.

I want to reach out and grab
Our friendship, a kite in the sky.
I grabbed the string, begging and pleading.
The wind of your carelessness fought back.

I tried and tried to stop it,
But I felt you moving further.
What could I do but fight back?
But now, I’ve given up hope.

I lost the will to continue,
The day I realized I was powerless.
I still fought weakly on,
But now I’ve let go.

I let go of the string,
Unable to survive any more
Of your words and actions.
I watch the kite float away…

Perhaps someday…
When the wind dies down…
I will see you again…
But for now that’s naught but a dream.

I called you my brother…
Only a week ago…
But now…
Are you even my friend?

I dare not to get close to anyone…
Not you, nor anyone else…
And once again… I say:
My self-destruction is all your fault.

You helped me survive,
Then killed me.
How could you?
How could you?

All I wanted was to be
A friend as great as you.
But now all you give me
Are open wounds.

My heart bleeds,
My eyes sting,
My head throbs,
My entire body shakes with misery.

How could you?
How could you?
How could you hate me,
Yet say you love me?

You’ve hurt me…
I don’t want friends who’ll break me down more…
Yet I’ll turn to friends anyway.
I need friends who will stay my friends.

*Lyrics from Skillet's "Open Wounds" scattered through the poem.
**Partial credit to Shane Olson for the blender metaphor.

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