Basically the title says it all.
Well, today.....right now before writing/typing and completeing this journal, I was going through some old journals starting from the begining.
I was surprised with myself at how much I've changed from back then until now.
I was a whole lot darker. A more depressed person. I was totally immature and I refused to see reality back then.
And now I came to realize how much I've matured since then.
Reading those journals which were filled with such immature and selfish thoughts.......I was really, really, really surprised how much I didn't think that way anymore.
That's because when I wrote those journals, I was still in 8th grade. And 8th grade was one of the darkest times of my entire life.
The things I read were about how much I didn't give a s**t about anything anymore and that I just wanted to die right from the start. I then read about of how I was treating my friends, mostly Lyndsay. I still remember that fight we had over Spring Break.
I also remember how I believed that I wasn't "betraying" or "backstabbing" her.
That I called it "Reject to Protect"
Now that I think about it, I still think and believe in that.
It's just that I've hurt Lyndsay so many times that I hated myself for it.
I just wanted to die, to bring all of my regret and sin down to hell with me.
To "Take all of my shame to the grave"
Before, I believed that if Lyndsay and I weren't friends, I wouldn't hurt her anymore. I believed that she would be fine because she had Kimmy with her.
But then I also realized that if I shunned her out of her life, I would only be hurting her even more.
Come to think of it, no matter what I do......I will always be restrained by her chains of bonds.
But now.....Now that I'm a freshman in high school, now that I have a lot more friends that are of understanding, I've come to realize a whole bunch of things.
That no matter what happenes in my life, I should face forward. Because I did that.....because of my will to keep moving forward and to give it all another try, I met such wonderfull people!
I met Anna, Kim, Nicole, and was reunited with friends that I've become closer to!
Good things really do happen to people who try.
But well.....today.................
I ALMOST killed Kim.
She tackled me and I thought I had lost my mexican candy and I broke my shades because I got pissed. But then the candy fell from my shoulder to the ground and I quickly picked it up and shoved it in my mouth.
Then, I picked up two pieces of my shades.
I then got even more pissed at myself and a whole LOT more pissed at Kim because if she didn't do that, I wouldn't have broken my damn ******** shades!!! GAH!!!!
Thankfully, though, Nicole offered to take it home with her to try to fix it cause she had to fix hers countless times.
Thank you Nicole! LOVEZ YA LOTZ!!!
-sigh- Anyways.....
Here's a random survey. You peoplez can take it if you want.
I LOVEZ Surveys!!!
Name:
Birthday:
Birthplace: Pomona
Current Location:
Eye Color:
Hair Color:
Height:
Right Handed or Left Handed:
Your Heritage:
The Shoes You Wore Today:
Your Weakness:
Your Fears:
Your Perfect Pizza:
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
Thoughts First Waking Up:
Your Best Physical Feature:
Your Bedtime: Weekdays:
Your Most Missed Memory:
Pepsi or Coke:
MacDonalds or Burger King:
Single or Group Dates: Sorry.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
Chocolate or Vanilla:
Cappuccino or Coffee:
Do you Smoke:
Do you Swear:
Do you Sing: Not in public.
Do you Shower Daily:
Have you Been in Love:
Do you want to go to College:
Do you want to get Married:
Do you belive in yourself:
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Do you think you are Attractive:
Are you a Health Freak:
Do you get along with your Parents:
Do you like Thunderstorms:
Do you play an Instrument:
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
In the past month have you Smoked:
In the past month have you been on Drugs:
In the past month have you gone on a Date:
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
In the past month have you been on Stage:
In the past month have you been Dumped:
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
Ever been Drunk:
Ever been called a Tease:
Ever been Beaten up:
Ever Shoplifted:
How do you want to Die:
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
What country would you most like to Visit:
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:
Favourite Hair Color:
Short or Long Hair:
Height:
Weight:
Best Clothing Style:
Number of Drugs I have taken:
Number of CDs I own:
Number of Piercings:
Number of Tattoos:
Number of things in my Past I Regret:
Name: Vannaka
Nicknames: V, Van, Vanny, Aerean, Aer, Aer-Chan, Lil Wolf, JohnnyCake (Am I missing anything else? o.O )
Birthday: October 28, 1994
Age: 14
Birthplace: Pomona
Current Location: Arizona
Eye Color: Really dark brown
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Height: 4'11 (Woo!! SHort Peoplez RULEZ!!!!)
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Handed
Your Heritage: Buddhism (Did I spell that right?
The Shoes You Wore Today: White DC Shoes
Your Weakness: ............(To Anyone that knows me in real life: WHat do you think my weaknesses are!? burning_eyes )
Your Fears: I'll leave this one blank
Your Perfect Pizza: Everything on it with lots of cheese!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Hhm...... Pass Finals, Move on to Sophmore year, Look down on the Freshmans(XD), get in to H. English......
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Hhm.....I'm not sure. But in real life, I have been saying ******** a lot.
Thoughts First Waking Up: Weekdays: "I don't wanna go to school"
Weekends: "Comp time! ^^"
Your Best Physical Feature: I have no idea. Though My friends say that I'm cute. And Vincent calls me "hot" and "sexy"! Same with Damien!!
(Btw, I honestly love my picture in the yearbook!)
Your Bedtime: Weekdays: 8 to 9 p.m Weekends: 10 to 12 p.m
Your Most Missed Memory: HANGIN OUT WITH MASHA!!!!!!!
Pepsi or Coke: PEPSI!!!
MacDonalds or Burger King: .....After watching that video of the dude who was living off of McDonalds for 30 days, I think I won't be eating Hamburgers for a VERY VERY long time......
Single or Group Dates: Hhm. Single Dates. Ya know..... It's more PRIVATE
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Ice Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: I'd prefer Vanilla. I'm not very fond of Chocolate anymore sweatdrop
Cappuccino or Coffee: HELLZ TO THE FU CKING YES TO THE CAPPUCCINO!!!
Do you Smoke: Nope
Do you Swear: All the time! ^^
Do you Sing: Only in front of certain people
Do you Shower Daily: Yesh
Have you Been in Love: I've had crushes but no. I've never been in love
Do you want to go to College: Yesh
Do you want to get Married: Depends
Do you belive in yourself: Sometimes
Do you get Motion Sickness: Rarely
Do you think you are Attractive: I can't even think of myself that way.
Are you a Health Freak: Nosh
Do you get along with your Parents: Kinda
Do you like Thunderstorms: They're kinda cool. But then again, after realizing what they could do to you just scares me to death gonk
Do you play an Instrument: I wish!!!
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Nosh
In the past month have you Smoked: Nosh
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nosh
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Nosh
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Nosh
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Almost.....
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Nosh
In the past month have you been on Stage: Nosh
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nosh
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Nosh
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Yesh!
Ever been Drunk: Nosh
Ever been called a Tease: Nosh
Ever been Beaten up: Nosh
Ever Shoplifted: Nosh
How do you want to Die: A peaceful one. Knowing that I've left my mark somewhere in the world, even if it isn't bit
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Don't Knowzh
What country would you most like to Visit: JAPANS!!!
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Blue or Grey
Favourite Hair Color: Black!
Short or Long Hair: Just down to the back of the neck and that's all.
Height: Gotta at least be taller than me
Weight: Just not fat.......
Best Clothing Style: Doesn't really matter to me
Number of Drugs I have taken: None
Number of CDs I own: Dunno
Number of Piercings: Two
Number of Tattoos: None
Number of things in my Past I Regret: I've regret many things but I've come to learn to accept it. What's been done is done.
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