A: Yes. Yes she is.
==============================================================
Okay. Let me say a few things before I get started. First is that this journal/rant is not intended to accuse or dictate one's own behavior. It is neither meant to point fingers. It is just the meaningless babbling of moi.
I don't care if anyone besides myself reads this. It is just a fact of life if no one is interested. They might be if I decided to kill myself, but otherwise? No.
To begin... Look up above. You see that? Good. USAGI-CHAN IS CLINGY. Make no mistake, here I am blatantly admitting it.
Let me start with a generalized description of my behavior at school. I'm hyper, perky, a morning person, and I HUG EVERYONE I meet! That's my own personal warning towards people. If I hug you more than usual, it means I've simply grown to depend on you more, come to believe in you. It's a frail thing, trust. Please don't break it. And speaking of breaking....
No. I shouldn't go into this. Not yet at least. I need more time. >.<
So, like I've said, If I hug more than usual, It means that I've yes, grown dependent on you.
Think about it this way, I'm the female version of Shinji Ikari. If you don't know who he is, check the provided link. It's Wikipedia, BTW.
My self esteem is connected to the opinions of others. Without someone's approval, time of day, positive opinion, etc, I become depressed and self pitying. My entire sense of self worth is connected to if I'm liked or not. It's only happened twice. The entire desertion of my self esteem. Both cases involved extreme rejection by those that I accumulate an extreme liking to. The people whose relationship I have with is TOO important. The first occurance happened early this year, starting in January, ending on or around Valentine's day. An entire month. Now, until that ending time, I've experienced horrible depression. I felt nausous, overly emotional, and caused one or two scenes in class. But that relationship, that of a friendship, can be easily mended, although never again to it's former incarnation. The second one... Is different. This one is more directly connected to my interpersonal relationships.
Here, let me give you a definition, also from Wikipedia:
Quote:
An interpersonal relationship is a relatively long-term association between two or more people. This association may be based on emotions like love and liking, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships take place in a great variety of contexts, such as family, friends, marriage, acquaintances, work, clubs, neighborhoods, and churches. They may be regulated by law, custom, or mutual agreement, and are the basis of social groups and society as a whole. Although humans are fundamentally social creatures, interpersonal relationships are not always healthy. Examples of unhealthy relationships include abusive relationships and codependence.
Codependence? I'll check that too.
Quote:
Codependence is a term which has been defined variously. In general, the codependent is understood to be a person who perpetuates the alcohol or drug dependence of someone close to them in a way that hampers recovery.
Okay. Nevermind. That doesn't sound like me. I don't drink or smoke nor have any intention to. I'll find something better in the meantime, but for now, this is all I've got.
I can't go into any further detail about the second incident, just that it ended terribly and with someone who meant much to be. Whether it was liking or, daresay, _love_ I don't know. That relationship was special.
Before that, I've had questions concerning my own sexual orientation. It wasn't the obvious do I like men or women? It was more like I never had romantic or love-esque emotions towards ANYONE in my life before. No crushes, no true interest in guy or girl. Like my head always organized the data for people in my life as just being either "enemies", "friends", and/or "family".
Now I don't know if I could allow myself into that precarious situation again. Or if I'm even willing to undergo a similar pain and heartache again.
I just...don't know. So for now...
(__/)
(='.'=)
(" wink _(" wink
JA NE!
I'll start Pt. 2 Next time. ROFLMAO! XD
