|
i know what i write in here is boring... and the only person that really ever read it was mark... i kinda miss that. haveing some one that took the time to read what i said. i mean... my english teacher does it... but thats his job... he has to. thats one of the things i miss about mark. and i doubt any one reads these anymore... i probably creep people out... a lot. but its just what i have to get out and what i have to say. but theres no one to listen... so im kinda talking to myself... i doubt paul reads these... he is doing other things on gaia... like being rich, y would a king care for a pesant... this isnt a movie... hes busy showing off for the people that will be looking @ him, and i guess showing off for other people... that takes a lot of time. time that he never seems to have for me anymore... we dont spend a lot of time talking anymore... or time together. we used to talk a lot, but now video games are back in his life, and his new rich gaia self has things to be done.... and i guess talking to me isnt one of those things. he knows he isnt spending time with me.. and he keeps talking about it... and then he goes and does something else... i wonder if i wasnt here some random day... what would he do? the things he does with out me while i w8 for him? or would he do something else? would he wonder where i am? would he stop doing those things that keep him busy when im around? i was happy when he thought i was going to have a baby... he treated me so well.... i was his queen and he was there to listen to me, and anything i wanted was right there... he was there for me... he didnt leave... and when i wanted to talk he was there. it was so cool. and he was really looking out for me. but was it me? or was it the baby he was looking out for? did he still not really seem to care for me? i dont know for sure... but i do know that i got attention. and i was in love with that attention. i held off telling him that i was on my period... but its hard to play off cramps like nothing is happening... he knew.. and then things went back to the way they were... maybe some day we can get back to a place where we are the 1st thing on each others minds.... hopefuly with out my saying that im pregnant.
|
