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Hm, I have a problem being sympathetic, empathetic, caring or any of the corresponding terms with...well....just about anyone.

I mean, wow, really, even with my best friends I'm not very caring nor am I there when they feel it is their time of need, more or less I'd say it's because of that "thick skin" I seem to have, and an outlook on life that any problem should be dealt with on one's own, to let it settle and move on. That is a rather bad feeling to have, especially when I know there are some people that I would be kind to, but for all the wrong reasons, like my ex, ...well actually that's a bit of a bad example seeing as I still do feel strongly for her same as when we were together only now we're not together, and I would be kind to her anyways but..uh...a different example, one of my friends lizz, just last night she lost two of her very close family members and I knew in my mind that this was a bad thing and that I should feel empathetic for it...but I just couldn't, I couldn't gain that feeling that makes it easier to comfort a friend, I'm sure a few of you have had that feeling. But it didn't come naturally like I expected it to, I almost had to force it upon myself to even have sympathy for her loss, I'm not sure, I think that's a bad example too, seeing as she's a bit delusional. She holds our friendship very highly because I'm one of the few friends she has, but I on the other hand, have a flurry of friends and aquaintances, more than I want ( and occasionally people that know me that I've never even heard of <<; ) so friends to me, are not quite as important (no offense to the people that dwell on my friendslist).

Does that make me a bad person? I would say not, on my own account, but it just sounds kinda bad, that I can't possibly sub-conciously, won't feel sorrowful for my "friends". Although, if I was asked honestly and I knew that there would be no positive or negative outcome to the answer, who I considered my actual friends, I might be able to list 3 or 4, while I know that there are at least 20 that think that I really do consider them as good friends. This belief is not true, as for friends that I have or actually consider as such, lesse...there's pat, erin, possibley jill and....off the top of my head, no one else, but that's the honest truth I suppose, and I know more than those three have a mutual feeling.

A long time ago, I stopped feeling bad for other people unless it was under an exteme circumstance...and I mean extreme, and I didn't just up and decide to be this way, it came slowly through life, through personal occurances. I used to be a rather, actually overly...how to say..."emotionally expressive" ( xp ) kid, I would get sad over the dumbest little things, but slowly over time, that just kind of left me, and for a time, I had a decent balance, but anymore...well...let's just say, don't expect much "real" sympathy from me if you have a sad story, because more than likely I really don't care, of course, I'll try to be a decent friend, but most of the time it's just better to talk to some one else.