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Is Harmony to Naive Ears

A long time ago I lost the meaning. Something happened to me and I don't even know what. What I write has no story; no inspiration. Instead they are lines with words; a weak attempt in capturing emotion that I lack.

TheCrashing Sound of Love
Community Member

Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 @ 04:18am

1 comments


	Puppet Strings *edit A thin painted smile dances across his lips; strings creeping from the back of his hollow head. Long fingers gently tug at his skull. He soon feels jabs from the implanted strings, as his hollow head begins to bleed. His eyes become glassy as the tears well up. They flow but fail to smear the paint that seems etched into his skin. He is the tragic Joker that pulls his own strings; A smiling doll begging to scream.

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This account is male, because I can't compare him to me. I'm a girl. And I know I won't compare myself to a perfected male pixel. That's why I made sure this account would be male.
Am I still pretty to you?
Tell me in my Profile.

User Comments: [1]

Ode-Melody
Community Member

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Commented on: Thu Dec 04, 2008 @ 11:03pm


	The idea of this poem is slightly unclear. For example, he feels jabs from the stings that he's apparently controlling. Masochism could be displayed in an easier way perhaps. Yet again your imagery is good - it seems that the more you write, the more poetic devices you use. The word "who" should replace "that," on the last line. Assonance and consonance stand out more than in any of your other poems in this one. Your use of personification helps your imagery a lot. The first stanza is iambic pentameter, but the second one isn't - it might be good ch fix the second one a bit to help the poems flow. Sentence structure is repetitive in this poem. Perhaps move the words around a bit. Content is pretty good - not the best i've seen - just mediocre.

User Comments: [1]

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