It has been awhile since I've written something down in my journal. Heck, 2007 I wrote only one entry. This would be the second entry for 2008. There has been a lot happening lately, hard to explain all of what I have been through in just one entry alone.
What is there to say? I really don't know what to write. My mind is telling me to press on with what I'm dealing with, but my problem is finding the reason behind the actions. Am I being the man that I've dreamed to be when I was young, or do I fall short of expectations? Things that I promised that I will never do as a father, I see the other side of things now that I've grown to understand. I am not a father yet, but I would love to be, after marriage of course.
Now what is marriage? People these days throw that word around using it for validation. The word struggles for it's meaning nowadays, and that sickens me.
But no, there is something more that sickens me now, sore and rough to my stomach lining. I feel it as if my insides want to burst out. I feel as if I want to explode, but I don't. What am I waiting for? I still don't know what is bothering me, but I press on.
Morning after tomorrow brings work and hard labor for tonight is Saturday night. I am here alone as always. I have already called her many times and no answer, I will eventually fall asleep. Parts of me worry, a lot of worry, but another part of me feels down to earth and centered into believing all is well. Uncertainty hurts though, and it drives my uneasiness. Still I want to press on thinking that the next second will bring me better hope. I am gambling with time that could be lost hope, but hope is all I have to give in this world. If not that then I have no chance of surviving.
My hope is in my love, and so I press on.
+Bloodys Corpse+ Community Member 
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