Why do I feel the way that I feel now? I feel hurt in ways in which there should be no reason of pain. I have what I need and I can get what I want, but what I am feeling now is damaging my heart in ways that I cannot explain.
I am losing hope in my dream to being what I want to be in life. It is hard to say what exactly I want to do with myself. I know that what I need to do is to share my life with the one I love, Jennifer, but how would I be able to support her if I were to try to pursue my youthful dreams. I feel torn apart vertically because I understand that I am now at that point in life where I have to decide whether to continue down that path that I always dreamed to follow, or follow the other path that would secure my life ahead of me with the one I love.
I know what I will have to do, but I am feeling worn down. I understand what it means to have to make long hard decisions now. I understand the consequences that lie ahead of me, but nostalgia lingers. My inability to finalize my decision explains my youthful status, but I know that eventually there will have to be the drawn line.
I know now what is my decision, but I will leave it be to those who know what I am to do. I will always be a musician. Music will never leave my heart, but it will not be my career. I will have to have myself live with the fact that what I am is something more than simple dreams and desires. I have to build my future, and I will need something real to grasp my hands on.
I know now that ahead of me lies an uphill battle; stamina rages through my muscles with ferocity that I will not fail the fire that burns within me. I am a man now, and those who doubt me will wimper or accept that you cannot change what I am because I can only be me.
God Bless and see you soon.
+Bloodys Corpse+ Community Member 
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