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This journal is going to be honest and true. I'm not holding anything back or telling you anything untrue. Not that it's been done in here before, I'm just telling you straight up how I feel and what's really going on. This warm evening, I've been looking back on some previous journals. A lot of my comments have come from one of my bestfriends. Well she used to be my best friend. And I realized something. I miss the hell out of her. I seriously miss her dearly. SHe was one of the greatest people that I ever knew. She was always there, had one of the funniest personalities, and was helpful beyond anything one could Imagine. We never really fought until that one day some booy decided to tell me something and getting up and hyper about it, I to.d her, she asked hi if it was true, he said no, and I sat there looking like the dumbass. She was so mad at the fact that she thought I lied to her. I was mad that she thought I lied to her and from there, our friendship sorta fell apart. We don't even talk anymore. I wish we could so I could tell her everything, but she's moved on and barely knows that I'm there. From that day she told me she didn't want to be my friend, I couldn't help but partially hate the person that took our friendship and cut it into pieces. But again, being the dumbass, I took him back as my friend, no questions asked. Man, waht I did was stupid and if I could go back in time, I would change everything. I would have never told her, the boy she liked would never know she liked him, I would still have a great friend, and life would be better than it is now. I could tell her anything and she would never tell a soul, but would make my problems, her problems, and carry them around like it didn't matter. We held eachother's secrets, with great care, careful to tell no one and makke sure that they would never know. We could silently laugh in class all day, sending silent jokes with our eyes. I remember when eighth grade was practicing for their graduation when we were in sixth grade. Since, our teacher's class was right next to the church, we could hear the graduation music. I sat in the back of the class pretending to cry, while she sat up front waving her hand in the air. Two second later, we broke into silent giggles. I've never had that type of friendship with anyone and there's a great possibilty that I never will experince it again. It was a thing we ahd, but we didnt' know that a year later, one of us would be a selfish jerk, and it would reck the whole thing. Who was that selfish jerk? Me. I was only thinking about me when I told her what someone told me. When you think of yourself, you try to convince yourself you think of other people. I convinced myself of that. When I told her I thought I was protecting her. Wasn't I stupid? Yea, I was.
Trying to mend my broken heart,
Natalia Brielle
crying crying crying
 Midnight Magdeline · Mon Sep 08, 2008 @ 03:01am · 0 Comments |
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