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That I are. It be delicious.

YAY FOR LITERACY!

So I found this forum on a different site entitled "Worst book you've ever read." So, I read through all of the replies, and then I typed mine out.
Mine is the longest. About three times longer than anyone elses.
And it took an hour to write.

So, yeah, here's what I put, if you wanna know my opinion on this sort of thing.

I've got a lot, so be prepared for rants. *takes big breath*

Firstly, The Good Earth by Pearl Buck. I was required to read it for school this last year, eighth grade, and it was HORRID. Whenever I even cracked open a page, I was practically asleep. Sometimes, when we had time to read assigned pages in class, I would fall into this... bored trance and I would jump about a foot out of my chair when the bell rang. I got some rest from it, at least.
Oh, and I must admit that I liked the ending.

Bridge to Terebithia by... whoever wrote it. My third grade teacher read this to us aloud after lunch every day, and I dreaded it. I don't know why, specifically, but it was just so... so... blah.

Where the Red Fern Grows by whoever. Like BtT, my third grade teacher read this to us. I think she had something for books containing puppies and death. Since I haven't read it for about five years now, my opinion may not be quite as valid as it could be, but it felt like there was no plot. From what I remember...
Boy saves money.
Boy gets puppies.
Boy... blah blah blah with puppies, some kid gets killed with an ax to the head (ugh).
Cougar attacks boy puppy.
Boy puppy dies.
Girl puppy mourns.
Girl puppy dies.
THE END.

Cry, the Beloved Country by Alan Paton. To say the least, I found it dull. The overall wordiness of it completely bored me. Oh, also, it was a school book this last year, which is the ONLY reason why I understood it; we had discussions about it. It's not the worst, but still not very enjoyable. The commentary on apatheid is enlightening, though.

The Red Badge of Courage, which I read in seventh grade JUST because we went to see the play. The other classes didn't get subjected to it, but of course the advanced class did. Ugh, it was just dull and very dumb, in my opinion. All the while I read it I was just going, "How can a book this short drag on for this long?!"

The Golden Goblet. This one was read to my class in sixth grade, but we never finished it. Thank goodness for that, too. I can't really say much, because I completely zoned out the entire time we read it and I couldn't even remember the character's names if you asked me.

Hatchet by... Gary Paulsen, is it? I don't really care. My fifth (or was it fourth?) grade teacher read this one to the class, and I just could not get myself to be any where near enthused about it. A blah sort of book, honestly.

Sign of the Beaver, though it might've been 'mark' instead of 'sign.' Read it in fourth grade. As I remember it, the plot was:
Family decides to move to some random cottage in the wilderness
Boy and father go there to set everything up... or something
Father leaves... because... uh... don't know why he left
Boy befriends Native Americans
I don't know what happened after that, nor do I care, frankly.

Okay, no more school books.

Watership Down. Okay, so this one was suggested by my teacher, because she loved it. Yeah, I couldn't get past the part where... where... um, yeah, I didn't get very far. I found it extremely boring.

The Redwall series, or whatever you call it. I didn't finish this one, either, because everything was too wordy. And I just couldn't get over the fact that they're animals. I guess I can't read books in which the main characters are talking animals. (But I read Warriors... hm.)

Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer. Only that one. I actually like Twilight series (don't kill me) in an "oh, I'm such a delusional romantic" sort of way. I think it's okay to like it if you know the bad points it contains so you don't get too caught up in it like I used to be. But, back to the subject at hand. Breaking Dawn, the fourth and final installment of the Twilight series, was horrible. There is no other sort of word to use on it. Stephenie Meyer went against the cardinal Twilight rule: she (EPIC SPOILERS) got Bella pregnant. By Edward. A vampire. Not only did every hardcore Twilight fan KNOW for a fact that that was impossible, but we enforced that rule. No, it can't happen, so stop wishing for it you crazy fangirls. BUT THEN WHAT HAPPENS?! God, I wanted so bad to shred that book once I was done.
Oh, and before it said Bella was with baby, and she was stating all these really obvious facts on the island, I was like, "Oh, wow, it sounds like she's pregnant. That's really stupid. SM deluding those poor readers." When it happened, I was seething. Seething.
As for the rest of that book, I predicted everything that happened. It was like a game for me. My first guesses were right everytime, too.

Maximum Ride by... James Patterson or whatever. Honestly, I think it's this one book (it's a series, but I only read the first book) that takes the "most horrid book EVER" award. Really. I just read it this last school year for something to do, and I just started critiquing and ranting about how bad it was! Seriously, the plot is COMPLETELY underdeveloped. Everything happened ridiculously fast, and I was in the dark for nearly the whole time. Actually, throughout the entire thing, I was wondering if I had gotten the second book in the series by mistake. And, okay, you have wings, and yet you can fold them up completely and no one will notice? Are you kidding me? You can fly around a busy city and absolutely no one will see the bird-teenagers? NO ONE?! Oh, but the BEST part was when they're in New York (I believe) and they need to look different, and OH SO CONVENIENTLY this troup of people come over and decide to give you a free makeover! How lucky for you! But, no, they don't question why this group of completely scraggly people ranging from ages... like, five to sixteen is hanging out on the streets! No! How is that supposed to be suspicious?!
Ugh, hate that book SO MUCH. It's the best example there is of crappily written tween literature that gets insanely popular just because of stupid ideas.

As for the weirdest/worst book I've read, it was Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. No, it's doesn't make my insides set fire to my soul like Breaking Dawn or Maximum Ride, but this book is freaky. I still haven't been able to finish it, nor do I ever plan to. There's this chick who is absolutely AMAZINGLY beautiful, but her thumbs... her thumbs are ENORMOUS. Think almost head-sized. So, obviously, she decided to pick up hitch-hiking! She has made hitch-hiking an art with her gargantuan thumbs, and no one can deny her a ride. She could stop traffic! But, oh, plot twist, turns out she is sometimes required by some freaky drag-queen in New York for... some... feminine odor ads. I kid you not. Apparently (please skip this, please), she is the only person this he-she has found that doesn't carry a... ugh... a stench like that of other women. Yes, that kind of stench. But that's because she's a virgin. So this he-she sets the thumb-girl up on a date. The girl, knowing that she cannot zipper dresses, has someone zip up her dress in order for her to look pretty on her date. And she sits in the dress for about three days, I believe. Eventually... now, this is where I start to repress things, some couple comes over after a long time (after the date? I think so) and, like... has sex over her, practically. At this point I stop because... ew. Really? Really now? Someone writes this stuff?
It gets worse later, I believe. The only reason I read this book was for the weirdness factor, as stated by my friend whose book it is, but I just couldn't. It went from ha-ha-this-is-so-ridiculous to "O_O" really fast.

One more. Harry Potter. No, I have not read the entire series. I actually started reading the second one first just because it was there, but I knew what went on in the first book. Yeah, I got about a chapter in. I just... don't like the idea of it, nor do I like the writing style.
Yes, I've been ridiculed by my friends on multiple occasions, but I will not budge in my opinion.

*exhales* Okay, I'm done now.

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