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Tell me how dumb this is. I just sold almost al my clothes back to the store just to buy one dress that I saw tolday for Gaia prom. Almost all my clothes. Well most of them I didn't wear that much, but stilll come on. It'll take me months to get all that stuff back and get all the gold that I lost back. I changed everything about my Gaia self. My name, my style of dress, my attitude, my friends. I used to ahve about 200 friends and now I' all the way back down to five or so. I deleted all my friends from off my list because they were Serenity's friends. Serenity My Sweet was the old me, Midnight Magdeline is the mew me. Oh, last weekend I did something I wasn't totally proud of. I tried to cut myself with a razor. I know it was like totally stupid, but I couldn't put up with the pain anymore. I had had enough of it. It just got so strong that I needed to hurt me and yet, it felt so good. I can't believe it. I didn't totally succeded, but I have the marks to prove that I did what I did. Their minor marks so you can barely see them, but their there. Believe me you. I was heartbroken, hurt, scared, angry, confused, stupid, and the list goes on. Heartbroken cause the person I like can never know it, hurt because my old friend chose to believe he crush over me, scared because I think I might be a litle gay, confused becasue I like to know what's happening and I don't, stupid cause I did what I did and soe one because I jsut was. If these are the things I have to face in the part of growing up then I'll stay thirteen years ole for the rest of my life if I can get my way. I do't wanna deal with this. The person I like can never know because of who h is and what he does. How stupid is that. I'm just trying to protect his rep in school cause I know taht heis friends would crack jokes at him nonstop. They wouldn't leave him alone about it, so I'm just trying to protect him. I hat me for it, but it's what keeps him safe and happy. Not tha tI think he totally deserves to be after .........., but who cares. crying heart crying heart crying heart
Still searching for the missing piece in my life,
Midnight Magdeline
 Midnight Magdeline · Fri May 02, 2008 @ 01:15am · 0 Comments |
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