I swore to myself that when me and Bobbi stopped being frineds that I shut myself off form love and would never look towards it agian. I swear it keeps coming back to me. I shut myself off form it. I said that I would never love again and that I couldn't love anyone. I just wouldn't and I shouldn't. Now it jsut keeps coming abck to me. Like last week, the seminarian came in talking about true love and what to do when we find it and about all his frineds were these really good people who are getting married and hwat not. I sat in class trying to hold back the tears knowing that I would never find that person who I wokld ever love and who could ever love me back. There is just no one as crazy as I m or who can keep up with me and except me for who I am not who I want to be or a person who I can just sit and talk to and they would understand every ord tha's coming out of my mouth even when I don't know what I'm talking about myself. There's just no one on earth who could ever do that . There was one personNow I sit here all alone with no frineds, not even acquaintices(sp?). People who are only my frined beause they feel sorry for me, but I know that they takk about me behind my back. Theya ll do. Every single last one of them talk about me when I'm not looking. My only frined is my teacher who I don't even really talk to. What is it that I lack world that makes you hate me so mauch? What is it that I lack that makes you tear my heart to pieces every time I get up the tinniest bit of courage and strenght to turn around and look at you. I cut. I swear I do. Not my body,but my sould. I cut it to pieces every time you look at me and laugh. I can't feel anything. My whole body is so numb to feeling. I need to know that I can feel something. I need to know that I can do something right for a change. I want to know. Ys, Natalia Coles is insane. Well auctually, I half sane and half insane. I'm dark and mysterious on one side and then on the other, I hide my feelings and give the people one good laugh. Yet, I can never forget the hurt that you cause me world. I never forget taht and I hate you! I swear to you that I do! I can't stand you! Why do you have to do this to anyone. No one deserves this. Not even the men who rape little children deserve this. I hate you!
p.s. I don't feel like correcting this for spelling mistakes.
 Midnight Magdeline · Tue Apr 22, 2008 @ 01:59am · 0 Comments |
