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its time i start to bleed and let me lay across the floor i had a sister before i was born she lived as a baby and died as one before i could live and after she died i came to be i can't live with my see because of this you see for if you ever herd the saying " as one dies another is born" and as she had died i came and took over her life even though it may have seem that i did nothing i feel as thought i took her life and for that i don't feel as though i should deserve to live i would lie to die but i can't because i have family who care about me very deeply and i just can't leave then like that because if i left them like that then i would have done a sin and the greatest one of all and if it weren't for them then i would have taken my own life around the age of 8-11 and every year i grow older i walk a path towards my death ever so closer so if i can't stop my death why do anything but go along with it I'm pessimistic always seeing the bad out of good things and I'm always trying to find away to end up in the hospital just to beat up on my self falling from trees and got hit by a car and yet I'm still walking and breathing and i disapprove of that what caused me to end up this way are only a few things what i did, what my father said, and what i could have done. i have already told you about my sister so i don't need to repeat but my cousin Brandon i could of stopped when i was little i went up into his room and started to mess around and when i got into his hamper i found his guns he had two i could of told my aunt because she didn't know
but i didn't and after i turned 7 my aunt called my mom and told her that he had shot himself in the head... even though i could have prevented that i did nothing
my dad use to tell me that no one ever cared about me and say all the negative to me (this is one of the reason why i don't talk to him now) and i was to weak i guess
i just let it happened and i guess i just walked into the darkness after that and this is what causes me to be who i am even though i could take my life at anytime i decide to wait until i have nothing to live for if you ever see me I'll have a frown on my face all the time and i walk with melancholy way and some curly hair I'm black with out a life to make and a person who has no heart with an i don't care type attitude I'm only hollow inside without a place to go (and don't try psychiatrist because that didn't work)